Could a man who talks to flowers plot the murder of a princess?

ACCORDING to 87% of people surveyed in a British newspaper poll, the butler definitely did not do it.

They belive sorry, allege that it was the prince who dunnit, or who organised it, at least.

Isn't it incredible that so many British people believe their future king, Prince Charles, was capable of putting out a contract on his ex-wife and mother of his children, the dazzlingly beautiful Princess Di, and her boyfriend, Dodi? They obviously have no problem accepting the fact that the prime suspect in the putative double homicide six years ago is the heir to the throne. Such thoughts, surely, must be treasonable.

On the other hand, most people in this country believe that Bertie Ahern has been getting away with murder for just as long, if not longer, and still is.

Even allowing for the fact that the royal family were paranoid that Diana was pregnant and intended to marry Dodi, a Muslim, I just can't visualise Prince Charles having the wit to organise a hit. I can't imagine a man who trips jauntily along the highlands in a kilt, and is known to talk to flowers, having the killer instinct. But having said that, you can't dismiss the premonition the ex-wife had 10 months before that fateful day in Paris in 1997.

She had actually written to her butler, Paul Burrell, to the effect that her husband was planning an accident in her car, involving brake failure and serious head injury to herself.

Now here I must declare a conflict of interest. Well, a possible conflict of interest. Far-fetched, even. My mother's maiden name was Burrell, but I can categorically deny that the picture of the Mother of Good Counsel was replaced by a silver-framed one of the martyred princess, or that she ever set a foot inside Harrods.

Strange, though, how close to the bone Diana was about the circumstances of her death. Now, six years after the event, the British police are to investigate Diana's murder allegations against her former husband.

In the interests of their renowned justice system, Britain's most senior police officer has been drafted in by the royal coroner to investigate allegations that she was murdered by her estranged husband and the heir to the throne.

Sir John Stevens, Metropolitan Police commissioner, will help Mr Michael Burgess, the royal coroner, determine the truth of the rumours.

Although it's not nice to be accused of ordering the murder of his own wife, Prince Charles can count himself lucky that he's not Irish and it's not the West Midlands police force that's carrying out the investigation.

If it were, he wouldn't be discussing affairs of state with the flowers for much longer. Part of John Steven's remit will include examining claims made by the princess that Charles was planning to have her killed, and the persistent claim by Dodi's father, the owner of Harrods, Mohammed Fayed, that members of the royal family were behind the crash.

Two separate inquests were opened into the dramatic deaths of Diana and Dodi in a Paris underpass after their car, driven at high speed by a chauffeur later found to be under the influence of alcohol and drugs, slammed into a barrier.

Both inquests were promptly adjourned until next year so that the complex investigations could proceed, and the chances are that it will be at least eight years after their dreadful deaths before those investigations are completed if ever.

From comments made by the former deputy chief constable of Greater Manchester Police, John Stalker, I don't think the prince has too much to worry about.

Mr Stalker who conducted an investigation into the French inquiry which put the blame squarely on the drunk and drugged driver, Henri Paul believes that the deaths were a tragic accident. "It's absolutely quite right that a British eye is cast on it. There's nobody better equipped to do that than the Met," he said.

At a remove of six years after the deaths, the eye the Met can cast has to be a myopic one, but the formalities will be observed.

As John Stalker said: "It's an allegation of crime conspiracy to murder. It is in everybody's interest that John Stevens should put the allegation to Prince Charles so that he can formally deny it."

No doubt he will, but keeping an eye on the proceedings will be Mohammed Fayed, who is convinced that members of the royal family were behind the crash or the "horrendous murder," as he calls it.

ANOTHER crash, or a disappearance at least, which has concentrated the British establishment recently was the strange episode of the Beagle has landed, to misquote Jack Higgins.

Land it did, or so we are led to believe, but not a peep has been heard since Christmas Day from the Beagle 2 Mars probe, despite 11 or so attempts by the American spacecraft Mars Odyssey to relay messages from it.

Scientists believe there are three main reasons for the continued silence from the stg£45 million probe: a software glitch, a problem with the probe's receiver or transmitter, or the growing possibility that it was destroyed on landing.

Apart from the glaring logic of the latter possibility, a fourth may be the fact that Jonny Wilkinson, England's fly-half, wasn't there to kick it back into orbit.

Back on Planet Ireland, meanwhile, isn't it ironic that the Government is trying to put the gun back into politics?

At least they will do so if they want to keep George Dubya sweet on the question of having armed air marshals on transatlantic flights.

Last month the US Department of Homeland Security introduced regulations which will allow the authorities there to insist on armed marshals being placed, on request, on flights entering or leaving the US.

Any airline objecting to it knows now what will happen, as passengers on several flights have already learned when they had to endure delays of up to 20 hours.

Uncle Sam will deny access to its airspace and its airports, unless the reluctant flight complies.

An alternative now is that the armed marshal demand will be relaxed if more information about passengers is supplied by the airline company.

But the problem is about to be resolved. Apparently, with Ireland assuming the presidency of the EU for the next six months, the Holy Ghost is now a consultant to the Government. He must be, because not only will the controversial question of the armed marshals be resolved, but so will the not inconsequential matter of the EU constitution.