I’m dreaming of a bling Christmas

SO I’M all set. The decorators have just left, the ice rink is installed in the front garden.

The professional skaters will be flown in from somewhere foreign to do pirouettes for the guests, and the hay has already been delivered for the live reindeer stored in the garage until that actor who is playing Santa turns up and hitches them to his sleigh.

Elves are included. The events company better have included a reindeer poop scoop too, and someone to operate it.