'To say I saw appalling stuff is an understatement': Irish soldier on fighting on Ukraine's frontline
Soldiers fire a canon towards Russian army positions near Kharkiv, Ukraine, on Monday. Picture: Anatolii Lysianskyi/Ukraine's 127th Separate Brigade via AP
Peter*, a single man who is in his 30s and comes from the south of Ireland, served with the Defence Forces for five years.
He decided to travel to Ukraine shortly after the Russian invasion in 2022 and returned home a year later.
However, he told the he considering going back again to help, like another former Defence Forces veteran has recently done.
“My initial decision was to defend the Ukrainian capital Kyiv and I arrived there a couple of days after the invasion.
“Initially my family were supportive, but were fairly worried. At the start, it was a bit of an unknown. If I’d had gone out later, the conditions of the war would have been more apparent and my family would have worried even more,” Peter said.
While he was able to keep in contact with home while fighting in Ukraine, this contact was kept to a minimum, and was essentially limited to letting them know that he was still alive.
This was done through various communication channels, but Peter said he was not prepared to reveal them in order to protect others still out there who are in contact with their relatives.
He was aware of other Irish people serving with the Ukrainians — although none were in his unit.
Peter was posted to a special forces unit which contained a mixture of Ukrainian special forces and airborne personnel.
“I was the only non-Ukrainian in that unit. Their English was very good so communication was not an issue,” he said.
Initially, he was based in Kyiv, but after two months was posted to the frontline between Kharkiv, Ukraine’s second city, and Donetsk.
“To say I saw appalling stuff is an understatement. It got gradually worse as the war went on as there was heavier and heavier combat. Quite a few of my friends died,” he said.
All the training he did with the Defence Forces could never have prepared him for what he saw.
He said British and American soldiers he met out there, and who had fought for their countries in Iraq and Afghanistan, said it was “even more brutal in Ukraine than those places". Sometimes, Peter and his comrades were less than 40 m from the Russian lines.
The enemy would shout out “threats of what was coming to us” and call on them to surrender.
He was injured once and had to spend a week in hospital.
There were times when combat didn’t stop, and exhausted soldiers were forced to fight for days without any sleep.
“It was sometimes 24/7 and you would be lucky if you might get an hour to nod off. Once, there were three days of constant combat. The adrenaline would be pumping, the bullets flying and the artillery keeping you awake. You had a sense of duty to your comrades. Anyway, if you fell asleep you were dead,” he said.
He managed to secure some leave and returned to Ireland when his unit was stood down for rest.
“To say we were combat fatigued would be an understatement,” he added.
Peter is still seriously considering going back to Ukraine because of a “sense of duty” to those of his comrades left behind who are still fighting.
And he readily admitted reports that the Russians are amassing 50,000 troops for a further push into the country “could be a trigger to go back”.
The Russians are currently building up troop numbers near Ukraine’s northern Sumy region for what observers believe could be a planned summer offensive.
Peter said he was constantly keeping himself updated and is in touch with comrades still fighting with his unit.
Again, for security reasons, he won’t divulge how this communication is happening.
Any decision he makes to return to Ukraine may well be “spontaneous”, but if the Russians launch a summer offensive, he could well go back to help his comrades, a number of whom are close friends.
He said one of these men has a wife who has come to Ireland to seek safety from the constant threat of a Russian missile attack.
In terms of peace, Peter says while the outcome is “unpredictable” unfortunately, it looks likely that Ukraine will have to cede some of its territory to the Russian invaders.
In terms of dealing with his post-traumatic stress, he is thankful for the charity, ONE, which helps former Defence Forces personnel.
“I was quite reluctant to seek help initially. A mutual friend said I could do with some support and gave me the relevant contacts (with ONE). The friend realised I needed help. Some friends and family members said there were certain indications. I had anger issues, felt desensitised, and isolated when I came home,” he said.
Peter is urging others who have returned from the frontline to contact ONE for help.
“I was unaware and then somewhat reluctant,” he said.
He was initially advised to contact a GP, but said it was extremely hard to relate military experiences to a "civilian" who has never experienced them.
“You get cut off from reality and ‘civies’ wouldn’t have a clue what you went through,” he added.
(not his real name*)
Audra Larkin, who is one of six ONE veteran support officers based around the country, said she was currently offering support to three former Defence Forces personnel who have returned home from fighting in Ukraine.
Ms Larkin told the she was aware of another former soldier she supported in her role with the charity who has since returned to Ukraine to continue fighting invading Russian forces.
Those who have served in Ukraine continuously talk about “the buddies” they have left behind and feel guilty for leaving them, according to Ms Larkin.
“They have said they would all go back tomorrow. They are all open about this. We outline the risks and possible consequences of doing this, but there is an overwhelming camaraderie,” she said.
Ms Larkin said one of the Defence Forces' veterans she helped to cope with post-traumatic stress disorder returned to Ukraine last January. He is only in his 20s. It is understood he lost one of his friends in the fighting and was determined to return, despite the obvious risks.
“He felt a deep commitment to his comrades. This person felt guilty not being with them. This is part of a soldier’s mind,” she said.
She said the soldiers' desire to return to the frontline comes despite the “harrowing stories” about what’s happening in the brutal war in Ukraine, which has been raging since the Russian invasion of February 2022.
She also said the charity she works with, ONE, started to see the “emergence” of returning Irish fighters from Ukraine seeking counselling support towards the end of last year.
Ms Larkin said she knew from those she was currently helping that there are more ex-members of the Defence Forces who have fought in Ukraine but have not approached ONE for help.
“We are urging them to just reach out [to us]. They will receive professional help from staff who will deal with them in the strictest confidence,” she said.
Ms Larkin said it was important former soldiers are able to seek help from people who have knowledge of the military, with military backgrounds, and who can operate with their "shared language".
Ms Larkin, who has many years of experience within the Defence Forces, said her background was hugely important in helping her understanding of veterans’ needs.
“I’ve been in the Defence Forces my whole life. I was born into the Defence Forces. I grew up in the Defence Forces."
As well as serving oversees herself, she also worked in addiction services.
She joined ONE from private practice, having gained experience there in helping combat veterans deal with post-traumatic stress.
A number of Irish citizens have died while fighting for Ukraine.
The list of fatalities includes a former member of the elite Army Ranger Wing (ARW)) who was killed on September 19 while fighting alongside Ukrainian Special Forces.
Robert Deegan was 29 and from Newbridge, Co Kildare.
He had joined the fight shortly after the 2022 Russian invasion. He lost an eye while serving with Ukraine's Special Forces Unit that year.
His injury was caused by an improvised explosive device (IED) but once he recovered, he went back to fight alongside his Ukrainian comrades — going against advice from some family and friends.
He was said to be “laser-focused” on returning to Ukraine and “deeply committed” to the Ukrainian cause.
The highly-skilled soldier had served not only in the much-vaunted Ranger Wing, but was also involved in the Engineers Unit of the Defence Forces Training Centre.
After his death, his family released a statement saying he died “like a warrior”, protecting his comrades and he had made "the ultimate sacrifice while staying true to his principles and character”.
On the day he died he continued to fight on in the face of a Russian onslaught in order to provide cover for his colleagues’ retreat.
As a younger man, he was a champion cyclist who represented Ireland, and some of his family are understood to have had a long history of service with the Defence Forces.
In December 2023, dual Irish-American citizen Graham Dale, aged 45, originally from Raheny in North Dublin, was killed while fighting for the Ukrainians.
He had previously fought with the US Marines in Iraq and moved permanently to Dublin in 2020.
Dale had joined the US Marines following the 9/11 terrorist attacks.
Finbar Cafferkey, aged 46, from Achill, Co Mayo, was killed while battling Russian forces near the city of Bakhmut in the Donetsk Oblas in April 2023.
Part of the Shell to Sea campiagn in the 2000s, he had previous combat experience in Syria helping Kurdish militia fight Islamic State insurgents.
Rory Mason, 23, from Dunboyne, Co Meath, died while fighting for Ukraine’s International Legion in the Kharkiv region near the Russian border in October 2022.
His father, Rob, told the BBC: "Though we are deeply saddened at his death, we are enormously proud of his courage and determination and his selflessness in immediately enlisting to support Ukraine."
"Rory was never political but he had a deep sense of right and wrong and an inability to turn the other way in the face of injustice.
"Those who fought alongside Rory speak of a truly brave and courageous man who could have left at any time but chose not to.
In August 2024, Alex Ryzhuk, aged 20, from Rathmines, Dublin — a drone operator — was also killed fighting for the Ukrainians. The youngest of the Irish to die fighting in Ukraine, he was born in Dublin to Ukrainian parents.
News about rape and torture by Russian troops in the Ukrainian city Bucha in April 2022, as well as the deaths of relatives and friends fighting in the war are understood to what motivated Alex to leave Dublin and travel to the frontlines early in 2023.
- This article was originally published on June 9, 2025.
CONNECT WITH US TODAY
Be the first to know the latest news and updates
