‘Like so many other same-sex couples, we have just been left out in the cold’

Alison O'Reilly spoke to three couples sharing their IVF journey on TikTok and Instagram
‘Like so many other same-sex couples, we have just been left out in the cold’

Ranae Von Meding and her wife Audrey Rooney have three children; two daughters and one son, aged eight, five and a six-month-old — all born through reciprocal IVF. Photo: Johanna King Photography

Raena & Audrey

Ranae Von Meding and her wife Audrey Rooney have three children; two daughters and one son, aged eight, five and a six-month-old — all born through reciprocal IVF.

Ranae is the CEO of Equality of Children and lives in Dublin with her wife Audrey of eight years. They were one of the first to share their IVF experiences on Instagram and TikTok.

While many couples were delighted when the Government rolled out the HSE scheme for IVF treatment, the Dublin-based couple was not, as it does not extend to anyone who needs donor conception.

“There is no funding for same-sex couples,” said Ranae. “Our current legislation is forcing some same-sex couples to leave the country to try and have a family. But you can’t get a declaration of parentage if you don’t use an Irish clinic, yet there is no funding for same-sex couples.

“You have to go to an Irish clinic, or you won’t be considered Irish parents. We have three IVF babies all conceived abroad but all born here.

“We wanted reciprocal IVF, so we used my wife’s eggs but because I’m the birth parent I am registered as the mother, not Audrey," Ranae said.

She has had a lot of engagement online about the concerns she has raised.

The Irish Examiner recently revealed concerns raised by same-sex couples following the recent landmark Assisted Human Reproduction Bill which provides for and will regulate domestic and international surrogacy, where one parent has a genetic link to the child.

Back left to right: Audrey, Ava, Ranae. Front left to right: Ali and Arya. Ranae said: 'The first laws in 2020 came in after a long campaign, and we were able to get declarations for parentage for our two daughters. With our son, despite him being genetically identical to his siblings, he has only me as the mother. There is nothing different about our son.'
Back left to right: Audrey, Ava, Ranae. Front left to right: Ali and Arya. Ranae said: 'The first laws in 2020 came in after a long campaign, and we were able to get declarations for parentage for our two daughters. With our son, despite him being genetically identical to his siblings, he has only me as the mother. There is nothing different about our son.'

However, it does not extend to future intending parents and some same-sex couples. Further amendments to the legislation are expected in the coming months.

“For many reasons, financially and practically, I really believe that people should be allowed to access medical services they need at home, and you should not have to travel like we did. You should have the choice to make these huge decisions.

“We too have had our heartaches with IVF treatment. We have had two miscarriages and a couple of embryo transfers that didn’t work.

“A lot of people go through loss after loss and we have spent in the region of €30,000. When you are in a position to want to start a family, and you don’t have the support in your own country, that is not equal or fair.

“There is no State assistance for us. Do we buy a house or do we start a family? We were very fortunate enough to have the money to do this, but really, we have been left out in the cold, like other same-sex couples.

"When we had our first two babies, there were no laws in Ireland around same-sex couples. The first laws in 2020 came in after a long campaign, and we were able to get declarations for parentage for our two daughters.

“With our son, despite him being genetically identical to his siblings, he has only me as the mother. There is nothing different about our son."

A Department of Health spokesperson said: “A review of the scheme at the end of the first full year of operations (end of September 2024) will determine if there are to be any changes to access criteria.”

Siobháin & Dean

Siobháin O’Reilly runs the TikTok page “Seedofhope”. The 29-year-old has been married to 31-year-old Dean for four years and they live in Donegal, where they both work from home.

The couple took to TikTok over the past year to document their infertility journey after trying for a baby for nearly four years without success.

“Unfortunately, we did get pregnant, and unfortunately, we miscarried four times," said Siobháin. “We had a lot of tests done to get to the bottom of it, and it’s been very difficult at times.

“I recently learned I have a unicornuate uterus (which is smaller than a typical uterus and has only one fallopian tube). This led to the process of applying for public IVF treatment.

“I started that process in January and we were given our first appointment in April in Galway, and that went really well. The problem is that I can get pregnant, but I can’t carry the baby after the first trimester.

“I got a whole list of bloods done. To start with, you have to be checked for STIs to rule all of that out too. But my next appointment will be with the doctor in September, but we are on a list in case there are cancellations.

Siobháin O’Reilly: 'Unfortunately, we did get pregnant, and unfortunately, we miscarried four times'
Siobháin O’Reilly: 'Unfortunately, we did get pregnant, and unfortunately, we miscarried four times'

“I am hoping we will have more answers about how long the process will be.” 

Siobháin said she wanted to video her journey and share it with others online to help create awareness for people who are availing of the public fertility treatment.

“It has been difficult," she continued. "People don’t realise how tough it can be. When we didn’t get pregnant after a year, the GP said he would send us for testing, but a week later, I did a pregnancy test, and it was positive. Eight weeks later, though, it passed.

“That was very difficult. It was passing for over a week but passed naturally. I waited for around six months to start trying again as I wanted to make sure my body healed from the last miscarriage, and I was so lucky to get another positive again but miscarried after six weeks.

“On the third pregnancy, I got as far as five weeks, but miscarried again. We went to the doctor and decided to look into IVF and have some investigations done.

"We began our fertility journey, and they asked us to try and not to get pregnant as they had to carry out specific tests and if you are pregnant it can skew the results so I tried my best and I was using a fertility tracking app but unfortunately the app was not very reliable and I got another positive pregnancy, we shortly miscarried six weeks later."

The last baby the couple lost was in October last year at seven weeks. "It was very challenging, so we had more tests done, and it revealed I only had one kidney and a unicornuate uterus," said Siobháin.

Siobháin O’Reilly: 'There is hope out there.'
Siobháin O’Reilly: 'There is hope out there.'

The couple have qualified for the HSE public funding scheme, which will normally cost in the region of €4,500 upwards, but they won't have to pay anything. 

They are currently travelling from their home in Buncrana, Co Donegal, to Galway for treatment.

“I will be a high-risk pregnancy obviously if I do get pregnant,” she said. “I have already been told it will be a C-section, and my womb will have to be strengthened with various medications.

She said she wanted people to see what couples face when they are going through IVF treatment on the scheme and to learn from her journey.

“I was on Facebook groups, fertility Ireland, IVF groups, they weren’t going on the public funded scheme so there was no one to follow or reach out for their help and guidance.

“I said I could document this for someone else that is going through this journey. I’ve had a massive reaction. There is hope out there. People want to know but are afraid to ask or have nowhere to look, so that is why I am doing it.”

Rachel & Michael

Rachel Kent runs the TikTok page “Our IVF Journey”. She and her husband Michael went through several rounds of IVF treatment before becoming pregnant naturally a number of months ago.

Rachel explains how the couple were married for three years, but struggled to get pregnant and began having tests done. “I learned I have stage 4 endometriosis, ovarian cysts, low egg counts and empty follicle syndrome,” she told the Irish Examiner.

Given the lack of personal stories online, Rachel decided to document her IVF journey by posting videos on TikTok. “It’s a very personal thing that couples go through but to not talk about it, I don’t agree with that,” she said.

We shouldn’t feel that we have to do this in private as it affects all aspects of life. 

"You’re not out socialising or drinking, you are on medication, and you won’t know how you feel,” Rachel said.

Her TikTok has images of the medication she is taking as well as the injections she was administering. Rachel has also documented her journeys from Kilkenny to Dublin which “always took nearly two hours, sometimes three.”

“I didn’t hold back on telling my story,” she said. “I have had a good reaction, you will get the odd negative comment, but everyone has been so positive.”

The couple were successful in receiving funding from the HSE for their first round of ICSI (intracytoplasmic sperm injection) in September 2023.

“It involves injecting live sperm into a person’s eggs in a laboratory, this procedure can create an embryo (fertilised egg).”

The couple began their IVF journey by contacting the fertility hub in Holles Street in Dublin. “There are six hubs in Ireland,” said Rachael. 

“Holles Street did blood tests and fertility tests, but I had had a lot of these done and I had been taking Clomid (also known as clomiphene citrate). It’s an oral medication that is often used to treat certain types of female infertility for four months prior to attending the fertility hub.

Rachel Kent (pictured) and her husband Michael went through several rounds of IVF treatment before becoming pregnant naturally a number of months ago. Photo: Patrick Browne
Rachel Kent (pictured) and her husband Michael went through several rounds of IVF treatment before becoming pregnant naturally a number of months ago. Photo: Patrick Browne

“I learned I had a blood clotting issue, which could lead to miscarriages. After those tests, we chose the Merrion Clinic in Dublin for the IVF treatment.

“Once we got the funding, our financial worries went out the window. We did discover that the HSE do cover freezing of embryos for IVF and ICSI cycles and the transfer of frozen embryos from that cycle up to two years.

“It covers, if the first transfer isn’t successful, until either there is a live birth, or all of the embryos are used up and I was not aware of that. For me, we didn’t have any embryos to freeze.

“On our first cycle we ended up with a frozen embryo which we did transfer but it wasn’t successful which was hard to take,” she said.

The couple then started their second course of IVF treatment privately in January this year which also was not successful.

Rachel Kent: 'Once we got the funding, our financial worries went out the window.' Photo: Patrick Browne
Rachel Kent: 'Once we got the funding, our financial worries went out the window.' Photo: Patrick Browne

While the HSE funding for the first round of IVF treatment was free, the Kents did multiple blood tests at €180 per person, and a consultation with a genetic specialist cost €500.

“We decided to have further tests including a chromosome test which found an issue with chromosome number 2, it was upside down and could lead to miscarriages in the first trimester”.

Overall, they spent around €12,000 on their private treatments to date. The couple were about to try a third round of IVF treatment when two days before a Zoom meeting with a clinic in Spain, Rachel discovered she was pregnant naturally.

“I started TikTok for our fertility and IVF journey for people in Ireland, but here I am now 15 weeks heading for 16 weeks,” she said.

She is attending the early pregnancy unit in St Luke’s hospital in Co Kilkenny which has been “absolutely brilliant,” Rachel said. “They have done a lot of work to make sure their patients don’t have to go to the maternity unit and that should be commended.

“I also want to give some hope to others,” she said. “Baby is doing really well but until now when we are sharing the news we are just taking it week by week. We are finally getting our hopes up. The doctor said there are no ifs or buts, the baby is doing great.”

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