'Safe Ireland survivor fund meant my family could still have Santa'

With many counties still lacking domestic violence shelters, leaving an abusive partner at Christmas may seem impossible. But *Mary did it with the help of Safe Ireland

Safe Ireland provided the money for Mary to give her traumatised children some sort of Christmas.

Mary (not her real name) grabbed her young children and ran from her abusive partner one night, powered by adrenaline and terrified that if she waited until the morning, she might never find the strength to leave.

She had little more than her children, the clothes on their backs and some plastic spoons she bought on route to their new, empty home.

Leaving her partner that night — and staying away from him — was made possible by the Safe Ireland’s Survivor Fund
and the rent supplement scheme introduced for domestic abuse survivors over the pandemic.

The fund is designed to give people fleeing abusive homes money to pay for basic necessities which many people fleeing abuse otherwise do not have. 

Without these services, poverty would trap many more people in dangerous homes where they have also often suffered financial abuse and coercive control, experts say.

"Safe Ireland was a lifeline to me. I had nothing. I had not planned to leave that night,” Mary said.

“But an argument broke out, I had this urge to leave and I knew that if I didn’t leave that night I would not feel strong enough to leave in the morning, or maybe ever.

“When you’re coming out of a domestic violence situation you have nothing and feel like you have no one. So that money from Safe Ireland allowed me give my kids the basics, fuel, food on the table. I could buy them Christmas presents and get tyres for the car. That was so empowering.

“Safe Ireland meant there could still be a Santa. There could still be some magic in the children’s lives.

Safe Ireland held onto their innocence for a bit longer.

With help from her local domestic abuse service, Mary had made an escape plan and had found another home to rent. Although she did not execute her safety escape plan, she did have somewhere to run to that night.

“I had to run with the kids that night. There was nothing in the [new] house. I had to stop on the way to get a packet of paracetamol, some Calpol, porridge pots, some milk, cereal and plastic spoons.

“We were all traumatised. But I took a photo that night and the kids were smiling.

“We spent Christmas there. I received money from Safe Ireland and bought my own television, I was able to buy bedding for the beds. A half breast of turkey and ham.” 

Fund was a lifeline

The fund was a lifeline to the family when they needed it most, as was a protocol established during the pandemic whereby means-testing did not apply to domestic violence victims for housing support for a three-month period.

After the initial three-month period, a further three-month extension may be provided, subject to the usual rent supplement means assessment which can be followed by more means-tested longer term housing supports, like the Housing Assistance Payment (HAP).

However, because Mary's previous year’s earnings were taken into account, she did not qualify for any more housing supports after those first three months, even though her circumstances had now completely changed and last year’s earnings were now irrelevant.

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Throughout the pandemic she had worked additional shifts, listening to the Government’s call for frontline workers to do everything they could to fight Covid-19.

Her then-partner had lost his job so Mary had been the sole breadwinner.

When she left and looked for housing support, she was told that her income, taken the year before, was over the threshold so she did not qualify.

It took nine long, stressful months of borrowing from family, using the Safe Ireland fund for rent and carefully reducing her hours at work before she could qualify for HAP.

System needs to change

Mary believes that this is something that needs to change. When someone leaves an abusive relationship their situation has changed utterly so income receipts from last year have no bearing on their present need for housing or their ability to pay.

“Government wants to know what you earned last year for things like HAP, social welfare, medical cards. But last year is gone. Your life is completely changed.

You’re safe from abuse but you’re not safe from poverty.

You’re not safe from discrimination. You’re not safe from your car breaking down or bills coming in the door.

“Working has not helped me get out of the poverty trap that I’m in. If I work too much, I’ll be cut off from support.

“Rent is €1,200 per month and I don’t earn enough to pay that. We would have been homeless without support.

“With HAP, I still pay €800 rent per month and that’s a struggle. And I’m educated, I have degrees, I’ve had very good jobs in the past. But you get trapped in this cycle of poverty.

“And there’s a disincentive to work. Because if you earn even €20 over the threshold you get no support.” 

Despite the financial difficulties, Mary said that her life is unrecognisably better than what it was when she was still trapped in an abusive relationship.

She said that support from Safe Ireland and her counsellor were instrumental in getting her to this better place.

When they believed me I felt validated as a person.

“I was in that relationship since I was a teenager — almost 20 years. There was a lot of psychological and emotional abuse and that leaves you so knocked down. You’re told you’re a nobody for so long you lose all belief in yourself.

“People ask ‘why didn’t you leave’ but you’re so beaten down. He’d tell me no one else would ever want me. That I was a fraud. That I had no friends.

'It's a toxic situation, living with an abuser. And the children experience all of it.'

“You’re just numb. You don’t believe you deserve anything good. You’re very childlike in it. You’re always being scolded, reprimanded. Then you’re praised the next day, then you’re put down again. That person is like your supervisor. Like the foreman in the house watching everything.

“And it’s toxic for the children. They’ve heard the arguments, the abuse, seen the broken stuff. They’ve seen me crying.

“I was crushed for so many years I never thought I’d be here, where I am now. But with support and learning my own self-worth, I got there in the end. I’m now content and I’m well.

“I can sleep peacefully without him coming in shouting and screaming. 

I have the gift of peace of mind without someone tormenting me.

“I thought I had no one, but my friends all came back into my life when I left so I now have wonderful friends and family.

“Things are still hard sometimes but I know the best is yet to come.” 

To other people currently suffering in abusive relationships, she says: “You can do this. You will do this. And there are wonderful services out there.” 

No refuge for families fleeing 

Nine counties in Ireland currently have no refuge and many counties that do have them are hugely oversubscribed.

The counties with no refuge are Carlow, Cavan, Laois, Leitrim, Longford, Monaghan, Offaly, Roscommon, and Sligo.

Ireland does not have enough refuge places available to meet the Istanbul Convention standard and there are currently no refuges for men in the State.

Airbnb and Safe Ireland joined forces in 2020 to tackle this problem, which became even more acute during the pandemic as demand for support surged.

Through the scheme, AirBnB supports access to emergency hotel accommodation for women and children. Since June 2020 when the programme began, it has housed over 650 adults and children over 3,400 nights.

It can be very difficult to have the means for an escape plan. That's where the fund comes in.

The average length of stay has been 11 days. The scheme is an emergency response only, providing some respite so that services and women can work together to explore more long term solutions.

Offaly is one of those counties that has no refuge for families fleeing domestic abuse.

Anne Clarke, manager at Offaly Domestic Violence Support Services (ODVSS), said that she has never seen poverty as bad as over the past 20 months. She said that the Survival Fund and the AirBnB relief scheme have saved lives since Covid struck.

“Offaly has no refuge, no safe house. If we did not have the partnership with Safe Ireland and AirBnB we would have had nowhere for a women to go during the height of the Covid-19 pandemic.

It’s really sad in this day and age, to have to rely on these partnerships. That in 2021, women are in such poverty. It’s horrendous.

“And we know these funds are not going to last forever. They’re band aids, they help in the short term but services need to be resourced properly.

“Despite constant requests to Government we’re waiting for the accommodation review from Tusla to inform the response to emergency accommodation. It should have been out in May.

Poverty a major barrier

“I’ve never seen poverty as bad as in the last 20 months. Many women are leaving with no access to bank accounts so when they leave, they have nothing.

“And the delay in accessing court for maintenance is anything up to nine months.” 

Ms Clarke said that her service saw a 50% increase in people looking for support in 2020 and a further 30-40% increase again so far this year.

She said that poverty is a major barrier to women leaving abusive homes, or a force that drives them back into them so that their children can at least have a bed at night and food on the table.

“We’ve had women cry on the phone saying ‘you’ve saved my life,’ when we’ve helped them access accommodation or the Safe Ireland fund. They are literally saving lives.”

Safe Ireland's national freephone helpline number is 1800 341 900.