'I know what it’s like': Cork chef helps those fleeing domestic abuse 

The lasting childhood memory of his own mother fleeing domestic abuse has prompted chef Bryan Clarke to make sure that every child who is fleeing domestic violence in Cork wakes up to presents and Christmas dinner on December 25

Chef at the Briar Rose Bar in Douglas Bryan Clarke, who, together with his colleagues, collected toys to give to children in Edel House and vulnerable families in B&Bs and hostels this Christmas. Picture Dan Linehan

Waking up in a women’s refuge age four on Christmas morning, confused as to why his daddy wasn’t there is, a lasting memory for Bryan Clarke.

That experience motivated Mr Clarke, now head chef with the Briar Rose Bar and Grill in Douglas, Cork, to make sure that every child who is fleeing domestic violence in Cork wakes up to presents and Christmas dinner on December 25.

“I know what it’s like to wake up Christmas morning in a refuge so that’s why I want to do something for Edel House [women's refuge],” Mr Clarke said.

“I missed my daddy. I couldn’t understand that my father wasn’t behaving the way a father and husband should behave and that’s why my mam had to leave.

"When a kid doesn’t have both their parents on Christmas morning it’s hard either way. 

And people going to these places are running with just the clothes on their back. They’re not packing everything up. They’re leaving with nothing.

"People come into a shelter at their lowest point. They think it's the end of the world but it's not. It's the start of a new life. They've done the right thing for themselves and their kids. They just need some support until they're strong enough to make it on their own again."

Mr Clarke's mum Carol Nesbitt died this April aged 57, inspiring Mr Clarke to do something to help others in her honour. 

"She had been in a refuge when I was younger and I wanted to give something back in honour of her," he said.

When my mam did it in the 80s it wasn’t done. The Catholic Church disowned you. Your own neighbours disowned you. You were frowned upon, not allowed to go to church. 

"Thank God times have changed but we’re still in 2020 with nine counties that do not have a refuge or sheltered accommodation for women and children, which is crazy.

"It’s a disgrace in this day and age. Nine counties in Ireland that do not have a place where a woman can go to in her hour of need."

Carol had fled an abusive relationship at their home in Kingsford, Co Cavan, one night with her three small children, all aged under four.

"She took us in the middle of the night and put us on the first bus to Dublin," Mr Clarke said. "There were no shelters in Cavan or anywhere close to it. The nearest she could find was in Rathmines in Dublin. It was dark when we were getting on the bus.

“We were in sheltered accommodation for about one year – first in Rathmines and then in Navan so mam could be closer to home."

The family was eventually offered their own accommodation and moved in one winter, but just three weeks before Christmas a fire, believed to be caused by faulty Christmas lights, ripped through the house, destroying everything. 

“We got back to the house and the fire brigade was there and the house was burnt," Mr Clarke said. 

Everything inside was damaged. Mam had worked two jobs to try to provide for us and all our Christmas toys, our clothes, her savings were suddenly gone.

"We lost everything so we were back to square one."

That was the family's second Christmas in a refuge and Mr Clarke remembers volunteers with Saint Vincent de Paul bringing toys to the children.

And this year, Mr Clarke has made sure that children in Cork's Edel House refuge and all the families it helps stay in B&Bs and hostels will receive a present, a selection box and Christmas dinner.

Mr Clarke and his team have collected hundreds of high-quality toys for the children and presents of jewellery, hair straighteners and gift sets for the mothers.

And Mr Clarke, his team, his wife and their eight-year-old daughter Nola will cook 250 ham and turkey dinners to distribute on Christmas Day.

"Each child and their parents throughout B&Bs and shelters will all get a turkey and ham dinner, a present and a selection box from the people of Cork," he said.

"People's generosity has been incredible. 

Four or five of us were in tears this morning at the incredible generosity of the people of Cork. We have toys worth well over €100 donated, like drones and iPads.

"Jewellery was donated for the mothers and hairdressers have offered to give some of the mothers new hairstyles after Christmas to boost their self-esteem."

The team has also raised more than €7,000, with more donations promised to build a playground in the garden at Edel House and to furnish an extension that is to be built there. 

"Drew McCarthy of McCarthy's Interiors in Douglas Court has offered to furnish all the new bedrooms in the extension. And Smyths toystore has donated €750, which we'll use for swings and slides.

A new library and craft area will also be set up at Edel House for Christmas morning with a range of children's books that all the families there can share. 

"There are fathers in sheltered accommodation with their kids this Christmas too so we’re going to be catering for them as well," Mr Clarke said.

"We know an elderly woman, she's 92, and she didn’t know how to get dinner this year so we'll deliver to her too. If we know you're homeless or struggling this year you’ll get a Christmas dinner from us," he said.