Barnardos to help support birth fathers explore reunions with their children who were adopted

Barnardos project leader Chloe Chambers said some men would have wanted to be there and have a part in their children’s lives, but this wasn’t always possible in a very different Ireland.

An event is set to be held in Dublin next month for birth fathers whose children were adopted, to help support them with the emotional and practical challenges as contact and reunification becomes more widespread in Ireland.

Children’s charity Barnardos is organising the event, which it said will be a safe, confidential space for men to discuss their experience of adoption and hear from others who’ve been through the same situation.

It comes after legislation passed in 2022 made the pathway for adopted persons and their birth parents to reach out to each other a more formalised process.

“This legislation brought it to the forefront for people,” said Barnardos project leader Chloe Chambers. “They say ‘will I trace them?’, 'will I search for them?’, ‘what could my role be in their life?’.

“We certainly do not have the same number of fathers approaching our service as mothers, given the nature of the secrecy and shame around it at the time. Some approaching us are not even aware they had fathered a child.” 

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Ms Chambers said some men would have wanted to be there and have a part in their children’s lives, but this wasn’t always possible in a very different Ireland. It wasn’t until legislation in 1998 that gave fathers a statutory right to have a say on their child’s adoption.

“There could be internalised grief there, buried for many years,” she said. “Many may feel they have no right to approach or trace, they may have been shunned and told ‘it’s nothing to do with you’.” 

She said this event on October 11 in Dublin, although people in other areas can still reach out for support, is about showing fathers that there are others in the same situation and encouraging them to seek support through the journey they are on.

Furthermore, with DNA testing and ancestry gifts on the rise, many are discovering aspects of their family history they may not have been aware of before. 

“There could be some men who went on to marry and have families, and have never told their wife or children, and that’s something we can support with,” Ms Chambers added.

One father in such a situation, who wished to remain anonymous, said his child was born when he was 18 and he and his partner were not married.

“Neither of our parents were very supportive, and my girlfriend was sent to a home in Clare until my son was born,” he said. “We didn’t feel we could give our baby the life he deserved. Looking back, things might have been different..

I supported her through the pregnancy as best I could. I visited her in Clare and held my son when he was just a week old. That moment has stayed with me forever.

“Soon after, my girlfriend’s parents organised for her to move to England. I later learned my son was placed in foster care and then adopted. I didn’t know what rights I had, or if I had any at all. 

"I carried the weight of that silence for decades. I never spoke about him, but I thought about him every day.

"Years later, one of my other children did one of those online DNA tests and found him. Everything came out. It was emotional, complicated, and at times overwhelming. But it also opened the door to healing."

More information on the Barnardos event can be found online, by contacting 01 813 4100 or emailing [e-mail].