'Don't just tell someone to lose weight, ask can you help them'

Until 2017, Deirdre Murphy and her husband, Alan, suffered from obesity. The Dublin-based couple tried every diet, shake, programme, even hypnotherapy, but Ms Murphy said it was a “vicious cycle” as after every diet they would put the weight back on, and sometimes more.

Five years ago, they both had bariatric surgery. Mr Murphy lost 12 stone, and Ms Murphy lost 10. 

She said finally being able to control their obesity was “life-changing”, but  both before and after the surgery, trying to lose weight was a constant uphill battle against stigma and guilt.

“You grow up hearing ‘eat less, move more’, and you think you're lazy or you can't control yourself,” Ms Murphy said.

“There are 40 or 50 different reasons for obesity, including genetics, hormonal imbalances, and socio-economic factors. If people understood that, it might take some of the guilt away.” 

Ms Murphy said when she was obese, doctors would constantly blame everything on her weight.

"Your GP will take one look at you and they say it's your weight. I have polycystic ovaries, and I was told that if I lost weight it would go away. It didn’t,” she said.

I was told my sleep apnea was 100% my weight. It wasn’t. They realised my jaw was actually falling back in my sleep causing an obstruction, but nobody thought to check that while I was overweight.” 

Deirdre and Alan Murphy, with their two children Charlie and Sarah. Picture: Maura Murphy, Irish Coalition for People Living with Obesity 

Even after they lost weight, the fact that they “took the easy way out” with gastric bypass surgery brought a fresh wave of judgement.

“People look down on you and say it's the easy way out. It is not easy. You have to have major surgery, and it's not a magic fix — you have to work at it,” she said.

She said the stigma feeds into a health system and society that doesn’t support people trying to tackle obesity.

She said she and her husband were lucky to be able to go the private route, as they would have been waiting five years for a first consultation in the public system.

“Making people wait five years for an appointment, and then another couple of years for a life-changing surgery, it’s not right,” she said.

If we had waited, we still might not have seen anybody in the public system.

Ms Murphy added there needs to be a change in mindset from judging people trying to lose weight to supporting them.

“If you know someone who suffers from obesity, don't tell them to lose weight — ask can you help them,” Ms Murphy said.

"Can you go for a walk with them, or help them with childcare so they can get out of the house? 

"Offering support and not judgement would make a huge difference to so many people out there.”

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