'Food is the good girl's drug': Eating disorder survivors say recovery is possible
Rosalyn Sheehy: ‘There is a lot of guilt. It is like you have killed somebody — you just don’t want anyone to know. ‘
A survivor of bulimia says food is like a “good girl’s drug” because disordered eating is something that can be done in secret without upsetting loved ones — until they discover the truth.
Limerick-born Rosalyn Sheehy has been recovered from bulimia for the past 20 years and has written two books aimed at educating people about eating disorders.
She and another survivor, Spanish native Agnes Martin, are sharing their stories with the to mark Eating Disorder Awareness Week, to show sufferers that they can recover.
Rosalyn, who now lives in Germany and will get married this summer, says: “My father died of cancer when I was a teenager and that had a big traumatic effect on me and underpinned bringing on the eating disorder. I was 15 and I was the only girl and we had a very close relationship, and I replaced that relationship with food.”
Combined with societal pressures to be thin, her grief led her to develop serious bulimia for a decade, during which she was hospitalised twice.
She pointed out that bulimia is difficult to spot because it is such a secretive disorder.
Despite part of her life being chaotic, she says she managed to do her Leaving Certificate and go on to study law at third level.
She said the only way to recover from bulimia is by learning “to eat properly”, something which took her a long time to master. She was treated in St Patrick’s Hospital in Dublin over a number of months in her mid-20s, which she says was brilliant.
But she says it took her three years to fully recover after St Patrick’s, and became so strong that she has not relapsed since.
She says: “It doesn’t even enter my head anymore.”
Rosalyn never thought she would want to cook or bake, but does both now.
Spanish woman Agnes Martin is now living in Ireland and says her bulimia started when she was 14 years old and was part of her life for more than 20 years.
Like Rosalyn, her eating disorder became a way of coping with her emotions and she used it as an escape mechanism.
Both women describe themselves as perfectionists who aim for high achievements.
“Bulimia was sometimes a way of coping with emotions and feelings of growing up,” she says. "It has to do a lot with being in control.
But she recalls that while there were times when she felt in control, there were other times when she did not.
She explains: “It would go out of control and I would have to hide it and I would feel guilty about it.”
She was living in Spain in the early days of her eating disorder, and her parents helped her to go to therapy, but she says she relapsed again and again.
She says: “You develop a funny relationship with food. You will have days where it gets out of hand and feel bad. It was hard because you have to eat, and bulimia is an addiction. It is not like quitting smoking or any other addiction — you still have to eat.”
She moved to Ireland in 2011 and her eating disorder continued.
She points out that things like meeting a friend for a meal were difficult and she began a recovery programme, online, in 2013 with a health coach based in Malta who specialised in eating disorders.
While acknowledging that bulimia is an illness, she believes that treating her eating disorder like a bad habit which she had to kick helped her.
She says: “It is a bit of a habit in a way, that you get addicted to a cycle and it is a whole cycle that never ends. Through her, I discovered mindfulness, I started to do a bit more yoga. I fell in love with meals and I have started an Instagram account about food.”
She adds: “You build your toolbox of self-care. But recovery is not linear and it will take longer than others for some people.”
Her mission in life is to help others recover.
She adds: “I want to lead by example and show it is possible to get out of it. You have to know your triggers, and everyone is different.
"You have to still eat to survive and give you energy and to feed your brain as well.”
She feels alive again and her life is full, with a husband and a three-year-old daughter, and “the little pleasures of life”. And she says: “Having ice cream is great and sharing with my little one makes me so happy!”
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