What’s in store for Ireland in 2022?
Well, we’ll have a landslide, a giant wave, an earthquake, a heatwave, a drought and a huge dump of snow. Oh, and Dublin will win the football and Limerick will win the hurling.
That’s all according to Old Moore’s Almanac, which is now 258 years old and still gazing into its crystal ball and trying to predict the future.
Founded by Theophilus Moore, a teacher of Latin and Greek who ran a classical academy in Milltown in Dublin, the annual magazine is a popular stocking filler around Christmas time, and includes plenty of predictions for Ireland and the rest of the world going forward.
Quite worryingly, it says that there will be a second pandemic unrelated to the first.
Also worryingly, our bodies will become merged with technology to the point that it becomes part of our biology. Right, so. Virtual sex, meanwhile, will become astoundingly realistic with new equipment, “making long-distance relationships a thing”.
Unsurprisingly, it predicts that house prices will go even higher as well as some political intrigue in the form of a female Taoiseach being on the cards within the next three years. “She’s gearing up, and getting her alliances in order,” it says.
China, meanwhile, will face economic woes while Harry and Meghan are facing some “marriage peril”. Covid passports will become a way of life, it predicts, and people who don’t want to have the vaccine will form their own communities and start whole new towns based around their values.
Shopping centres will re-invent themselves as more people shop online, with more places of leisure and entertainment with big retailers featuring a trampoline park in the middle of the shop for kids.
Moneywise, it says the “blockchain revolution” will happen overnight next year.
The euro will break off into a crypto branch too, apparently whole media channels set to be dedicated to crypto news and spin-off industries serving cryptocurrency, will thrive.
Settlement on Mars is set to become an “absolute reality”, also, with planning to start next year. Shaking hands and kissing will “end as a greeting tradition, never to return”. What a shame.
Old Moore’s Almanac editor Nicole Buckler said the magazine generally sells in the region of 57,000 copies.
“It has enjoyed a revival in recent years due to its accurate predictions and its love of futurism,” she said.
Pointing to articles that are in this year’s edition, she added: “We have articles on old Irish cuisine that has been lost to time… we want to revive it. Know what sowans, old curds, sloke, crúibíns, crowberries, haws, fat hen, and skirret are? You will soon.” There you have it, folks.