Call for much-needed focus on domestic violence perpetrators

A more critical view must be taken of abusive men, urged an expert on domestic violence perpetrators.

“What we really need to do is diagnose these people,” said Don Hennessy at the launch of a new report on femicide in Ireland in Dublin yesterday.

209 women have been killed violently since 1996, with 16 children dying with their mother over the 20-year period.

“Nobody is diagnosing or analysing the man, and until we look at the tumour, we can’t cure the cancer,” said Mr Hennessy.

He said abusive men are always sexually dominant in the relationship. Some are very demanding, and some go elsewhere to have their demands met.

“Some of them are gay, but all of them will be in charge of the bedroom. A woman is never allowed to make the first move.”

The men are arrogant as well and would say to him: “You’ve no idea what’s going on, Don. If you were in my position, you would probably do the same thing.”

Such men also feel entitled, and their entitlement grows from puberty and they believe that, sexually, they have the right to have their needs met, irrespective of the cost to their partner.

A woman [in an abusive relationship] would know within the first year what is allowed and what is not allowed and what the sanctions are if she goes beyond what is permitted.

Abusive men also spend a lot of time grooming the women, following the same steps as a paedophile, to sexually dominate another human being. Such men get inside women’s heads, creating anxiety, confusion and terror.

Mr Hennessy said an abusive man would feel more entitled when a woman feels anxious, confused and terrorised — thinking that she is not such a great woman after all and he is doing his best.

“Once his entitlement grows he is likely to kill her just as easy as he is likely to go for a pint and she knows that.”

Mr Hennessy showed a picture of Rachel Callaly who was murdered in October 2004 by her husband, Joe O’Reilly who has continued to maintain his innocence.

When O’Reilly appeared on the Late Late Show three weeks later, people had sympathy for him because, like a lot of abusive men, he was an expert conman.

Mr Hennessy said young women like Rachel need to have someone explain to them what someone like Joe is capable of: “When they know about Joe, then they have a better chance of avoiding him.”

Earlier, Government chief whip, Regina Doherty, said she is embarrassed by the funding cuts to domestic abuse services in recent years.

“When you look at the funding cuts over the last number of years it is very hard not to escape the fact the Women’s Aid budget was cut by over 20%,” said Ms Doherty.

She said it is important now to correct the imbalance and finance campaigns aimed at raising awareness of domestic violence.

“I have no problem admitting that I have been embarrassed by what happened over the last number of years but I think it is far more important now that we correct the imbalance in the funding.”