Or flinging back the fork that skimmed your left eyeball during the most recent fit of anti-eating pique?
For all of you out there that fear for your sanity as yet another mound of puréed loveliness hits the floor, help is at hand.
It’s not the kind of sanitised stuff filed in libraries under ‘Good Parenting’, but it could be what stops you from finally going over the edge.
You Have to Fucking Eat is the latest offering from author Adam Mansbach, who previously hit the top spot on Amazon’s bestseller list with Go the Fuck to Sleep.
Any delicate parents among you should stop reading now. For those of you for whom whispered profanities are the only thing that stand between you and psychosis, read on.
The beautifully illustrated book opens with the following:
The sunrise is golden and lovely,
The birds chirp and twitter and tweet,
You woke me and asked for some breakfast,
So why the fuck won’t you eat?
This sets the tone for the book, so you’re getting the picture.
Although layout and design is typical of the wonderfully glossy productions that mark most children’s books, the phraseology is definitely adult.
For this reason, it’s probably not the ideal choice for your child’s bedtime story — but it is pitch perfect for the adult frazzled by a long day of largely unsuccessful and highly frustrating parenting.
As Mansbach told website mashable.com, he was inspired by the widespread struggles parents face in trying to get their child to eat.
“Because it’s such a fundamental thing — one of life’s great joys, in fact — there’s a particular frustration that comes with not being able to get your kid to eat,” he said.
“Trying to get a kid to put on her shoes might be crazy-making, but it’s not quite the same as having her reject the basic concept of sustenance. It seemed to me like a universal experience, and one that parents would welcome the chance to commune over and laugh about.”
Mansbach’s last effort had such wide appeal that an audiobook was voiced by Hollywood A-listers Samuel L Jackson and Morgan Freeman. You Have to Fucking Eat is likely to follow suit. It’s due for publication in November, in time for the Christmas stocking list.