Not-so-fab-four have little scene to steal

THEY hit the stage like a boy band which had seen better days.

There they stood, rigid and lifeless like the Four Doormen of the Economic Apocalypse — Taoiseach and Tánaiste, flanked by their back-up singers Alan Shatter and Leo Varadkar.

The New Kids On The Bail-Out Block, or given their determination to drive down wages in low paid sectors, not so much Take That, more Take Less.

And, as with all such thrown together formations, ego abounded at this gig intended to trumpet desperately hoped-for growth in the tourist industry, and saucy Mr Shatter clearly saw himself as the heart throb of the quartet as he promised to “seduce” visitors away from Britain with a flash of his racy visa waiver scheme.

Little “Loose Lips” Leo was the last to take his solo turn at the mike — and the other three all noticeably swivelled position to keep a close eye on the uppity youngster as he opened his mouth due to the scene-stealing ad-libbing that has got him into back-stage bickering before.

Fittingly, they were performing below a glass ceiling, which acted as a handy metaphor for the limits of their power as the nation shelters under the roof of our EU/IMF overlords.

And that was why such a heavyweight Cabinet collective was here to re-announce a scheme already announced at least twice — without much control over the real economy, there is little else for them to do.

Not that you would have guessed that from the brevity of the media questioning allowed after the not-so-fab-four’s performance.

Only three questions were allowed due to “time pressure” — and as the third of these came from a representative of the tourism industry it was hardly the most enlightening of occasions.

How strange then, that the Taoiseach and Tánaiste then stood around in deep chat for another 15 minutes — why, that would have been time for at least eight more planted questions, sorry, vital enquiries from the travel industry.

Indeed, Enda Kenny and Eamon Gilmore were so engrossed in each other’s company for so long, one wondered when they had last had a good catch-up.

But then, the once ever-present Eamon is hovering somewhere close to the endangered political species list, so rarely seen is the Lesser Spotted Tánaiste these days.

Maybe Enda was expanding on his excited and rather bemusing opening announcement that “53 million Chinese were moving last year”, but whatever the subject matter, Eamon was eventually prised away as Mr Kenny had important matters of state to attend to — a gathering of sailing ships in Waterford.

It’s certainly tough being Taoiseach these days.