Cool Enda born to be wild

IN his mind, ‘Easy Rider’ Enda roared into his manifesto launch on the back of a Harley Davidson.

It was all the new look Mr Cool of Irish politics could do to stop himself high-fiving the audience as he swept into the sumptuous, grand hall of the Royal College of Physicians.

There was nothing unexpected in the 80-page document, the only change was that Enda knew he was on a roll and after 10 bitter years of bloody slog, he had finally persuaded the electorate of his ability/seen the electorate backed into a corner by economic slump (delete as appropriate) and was now only 10 days away from being Taoiseach.

Napoleon’s tooth brush usually sits in pride of place in a glass case just yards from where Enda was speaking, but on this occasion it had been removed.

Maybe Fine Gael flunkies thought they had better put it out of sight, because the tooth brush may be nearly 200 years old, mouldy and a bit threadbare — but it could still have seemed fresher than the trotted-it-all-out-before manifesto.

Especially as the tome contains such an arch conservative cornerstone like: “Fine Gael recognises the value of the family based on the institution of marriage.”

So, under its majority government, only married couples will be recognised as legitimate families then?

Divorcees, or that even more shocking cohort of society — single parents — will be banished to second class citizenry?

And Fine Gael can’t even bring itself to mention one word about the civil unionists — it seems the only Gay in the Fine Gael village will forever be the christian name of Gay Mitchell.

If Mr Kenny does get into bed with Eamon Gilmore, things could prove tricky as the only new thing in Labour’s manifesto was a solid commitment to hold a constitutional referendum on giving marriage equality to same sex unions — how are they going to square that particular pink triangle?

But, that’s a fight for the future, yesterday Enda had fisty-cuffs of a different type in mind — as so pleased was he with one of his own answers, he soft-punched the air in front of him to celebrate giving it.

But Enda was now so Smokin’ it was a surprise he didn’t pretend his fore fingers were pistols and blow on them after every oh-so-hot answer.

Not showing up at debates? Pah! His body language said it all — debates are for losers, baby, and you’re looking at a winner!

Mr Kenny dismissed the TV encounters as “like church gate canvassing”, admitting he had “never converted anyone there” either.

Gerry Adams hugging him at the TV showdown? Enda took it like a man: “He just jumped out at me from the side.”

But then Mr Adams has been dropping a lot of surprises lately — from descending to bended knee to lavish a female reporter with a flower, to descending to calling the Universal Social Charge “an act of gross terrorism”.

Now, there are particular trigger words certain politicians should avoid using.

Micheál Martin does everything he can to steer clear of the seemingly toxic term “Fianna Fáil”, ex-DLer Mr Gilmore now seems to choke on the name “socialist” — and Mr Adams should definitely try to distance himself from the label “terrorism”.

But Enda loves using the word Angela — Ms Merkel, his best bud in Europe who only has eyes for him. Mr Kenny uses her repeatedly to big himself up, insisting he told the German Chancellor Ireland could not and would not accept the terms of the FF-negotiated bailout.

Mr Kenny never did tell us what Angela actually said, and we won’t know what voters really think about him until next week.

As Enda’s elected, single party government looms ever closer, he is clearly determined to prove he was born to be wild, not mild — but the wheels may come off his Harley yet.

Is Enda too cool to rule?