THE LAND OF NOD

“There will be no gimmicks“, warned Micheál Martin at the launch of Fianna Fáil’s General Election manifesto yesterday, much to the disappointment of Éamon Ó Cuív, who had planned to counter Fine Gael’s move to downgrade Irish in the Leaving Cert by reading from memory all of Máire Mhac an tSaoi’s poems.

With nothing to do then and so many portfolios to juggle lately, you’d excuse the normally indefatigable Minister for defence, social protection, environment, heritage and local government a sneaky snooze.

IT’S IN THE POST, GUARD

A subtle admission that the Greens should have forced an election long ago? Or is this one parting poke at the motor trade? Either way, the party’s launch of their low-carbon emissions vehicle in Donnybrook yesterday was somewhat overshadowed by the fact that the car’s tax and insurance discs were both out of date. If it wasn’t for the Greens’ aversion to corporate donations, perhaps Volkswagen — who rent the motor to the party — could have footed the bill.

ON THE DOORSTEP

To be fair to John Gormley, he’s acutely aware that the policies pursued by the outgoing Government resulted in many of his constituents losing their shirts. Or at least he was after yesterday’s canvass.

IT’S MY PARTY?

Sorry might not be the hardest word for Micheál Martin — instead that honour jointly goes to “Fianna” and “Fáil“. In a three-minute voiceover of his first party political broadcast of the campaign, Mr Martin tells us “he knows the rock from which I was hewn and I know my roots” but at the same time he strives for every collective noun he can think of to avoid giving voice to the love that dare not speak its name. There’s plenty of “we“, “team” and even “crowd“. But “Fianna Fáil” isn’t mentioned once.

The politics of disassociation?

RAISING THE BAR

Some of this campaign’s more bashful canvassers could do worse than listen to a clip from the 2007 election that took YouTube by storm yesterday.

South Kerry candidate Michael Healy-Rae provides the master class in campaigning, phoning a constituent late at night to turn a number two for dad Jackie into a first preference, like water into the finest wine.

The entire oration is too long to detail here but safe to say Michael is a firm believer in the motto; ‘you don’t ask, you don’t get’.

“Tell me this, is there any hope in the world oo could give me the number one. Christ, if there was anything in the world I could do to persuade oo, I’d go down on my knees to beg oo.”

Works every time.

* Listen here http://bit.ly/gnTEcW.

DIRTY TRICKS

A humble slice of cheese pinned to a doorway in Whitechurch, Cork made the early running for this campaign’s Best Canvasser Deterrent award. But it seems Fianna Fáil’s famed party machine has seen this game of cat and mouse take a sinister turn.

TWEET RELIEF

In order to keep his mind fresh and his body right for the tough campaign ahead, it appears Paul Gogarty will forego kebabs until a new government is elected.

@PaulGogartyTD:

Tweedle-Dee, Tweedle-Dum, Tweedle-Dumber, Tweedle-Don’t and Tweedle-Doner-Free. The election race is now on. You decide.