Will the ‘Micky lift’ be enough to save FF?

POOR Micheál Martin, you’ve got to feel sorry for him — he got elected leader of Fianna Fáil.

Yesterday’s man today. Poor guy.

They did not think he was good enough to be leader last week, but the party has disintegrated to such an extent since then he is now seen as their saviour.

Crowned the ruler of a crumbled kingdom, he knows his party is about to be swept into the wilderness and the best he can achieve at next month’s election is to beat Sinn Féin’s Gerry Adams to be leader of the opposition. Some great reward.

He said “sorry” for the slump Fianna Fáil’s policies helped fuel. A wet word “sorry”, not much comfort to the mass ranks of the unemployed, or the emigrant’s lonely parents. What he was really saying was: “Sorry — please don’t hurt me too much at the election.”

Dáil wags dubbed the expected bounce he should give Fianna Fáil in the polls the “Micky lift” — but Martinistas were not too happy about the name.

Who knows, he could boost the party to the dizzy heights of 18%, or even 19% — but in reality he is just taking Fianna Fáil off the floor and lifting it back onto its knees.

The cruise to his belated coronation was briefly thrown into doubt by news of a late surge by — of all people — Eamon Ó Cuív. But Martinistas soon breathed a sigh of relief when it emerged Brian Cowen was throwing his weight behind Dev’s grandson — the Taoiseach’s unlucky touch thus ensuring inevitable defeat for Ó Cuív.

But Brian Lenihan was the big loser of the day, banished to a humiliating third place as backbenchers took revenge on him for his back of the hand talk that never took them anywhere.

Like the focus of a Greek tragedy, hubris brought about Lenihan’s fall from grace. If he had moved against the Taoiseach following the “half drunk-gate” fiasco of the Fianna Fáil Galway think-in, Lenihan would have taken the leadership — and premiership — with ease.

But he hesitated, and then his credibility crashed on Black Thursday and its resultant paving of the way for the IMF invasion. Tensions with the Taoiseach are clearly still raw if the Cowenites went into bat for Ó Cuív in large part in order to block Lenihan from even the runner-up spot in the race.

Bluffing right to the bitter end, Mr Lenihan insisted: “In fact, I was joint second in the final elimination, but let’s not argue over details.”

Fourth-placed Mary Hanafin reverted to her default persona of an Ever Ready Duracell bunny, full of icy smiles and shrug your shoulders, no-nonsense soundbites, in that stern school ma’am way of hers.

But clearly smarting at the 72-strong parliamentary party ranking her last, she waspishly remarked: “I am ahead of the other 68 TDs who didn’t contest this at all.” Ouch!

At the end of the valedictory press conference, Mr Martin looked slightly uncomfortable as fellow Corkonians encircled him in an “Up the Rebels!” moment of rowdiness. Not the kind of image he wants for his slick, sleek new party, clearly.

Mr Martin’s rollercoaster ride to the top left him looking elated, but exhausted.

In a way his lottery numbers had finally come up — it just happened to be the very week he forgot to buy a ticket.

Denied the title Taoiseach, he has at least finally laid to rest the image of pretender rather than prince.

The impression that he is a ditherer will be harder to shake, indeed when asked about his legendary reputation for indecisiveness, he couldn’t decide whether to answer or not.

So, Micheál has been elected leader — leader of one of the two biggest opposition parties in the next Dáil, that is.

Poor guy.