Ivor travels far and wide to heal his aching heart

IVOR always gets there in the end – even if it is by the scenic route.

His impressive Clontarf residence may be just a few miles over the Liffey from Leinster House, but if you go via Bantry Bay that’s 740km worth of a journey.

That’s motoring – especially if you’re a one man political car crash like Ivor.

Alas, rejection has been a powerful engine for Ivor as his wanderlust sees him seek to answer that age old question: just how far can you go to heal a broken heart?

In a dramatically Oprah Winfrey-esque moment of self confession, Mr Callely revealed he needed to flee the ungrateful masses of Clontarf after they spurned him in the Dáil elections.

Now, two and half years, a bit of therapy, and an €81,015 travel expense claim later, Ivor has decided to be a survivor.

He now regrets his 160 second “explanation” to the Seanad and regards it as a wasted “opportunity” – and how Ivor hates to waste an opportunity.

Humble as ever, Mr Callely’s resignation letter from Fianna Fáil informs us he is falling on his sword for the benefit of the wider world because his travel expenses have “deflected from more important national and international matters”.

What on earth is he on about? Is he trying to suggest the whole thing may have been cooked-up by Mossad to divert global attention away from Israeli attacks on aid convoys?

Mr Callely insists there were “anomalies” in the expenses system and he was endeavouring to “address” them – but as he has always seemed a bit confused by what his address actually is, maybe he should leave it to others, like the top level probe underway in the Seanad.

With his legendary self awareness and magnanimity, Callely even offers a sort of apology.

“Due to the way this controversy has been presented, I can relate to, and acknowledge, the level of public annoyance,” he trills, as we gratefully absorb his concern for the taxpayer and muse on how else a matter can be “presented” where a senator has his main house just up the road from work, yet chooses to claim €81,015 from his holiday pad in west Cork.

Oh, where can we turn our weary eyes to for leadership in the Seanad – a golf course in Turkey that’s where.

For the esteemed chairman of the upper house, Donie Cassidy is currently on an all-expenses paid for trip to the eastern Mediterranean, courtesy of the Turkish government.

Mr Cassidy is head of the Oireachtas golfing society, and just so happens to be accompanied on the sun-kissed trip, to mark the 90th anniversary of the Turkish parliament, by ex-Progressive Democrat Noel Grealish, the society’s vice-captain.

If the volcanic ash cloud descends again, maybe Ivor could tootle over there and give them a lift back – he certainly likes to travel.

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