A zoo led by giraffe with the odd ostrich

HOW do you solve a problem like the Taoiseach?

While Stephen Hawkins warns that it will be dangerous for us to talk to aliens, Fianna Fáil is acutely aware it is dangerous for their leader to talk to us like an alien.

And Brian Cowen actually briefly lost power yesterday – well, an electricity outage cut the lights in the Dáil chamber for a couple of minutes – imagine that, Cabinet ministers scrambling around in the dark. How unusual.

Mary Hanafin had already made it to the safety of the Natural History Museum to re-open what is better known as the Dead Zoo – and the political metaphors for this Government were all too redolent.

For Cowen had well and truly stuffed Hanafin in last month’s Cabinet reshuffle, and she, in turn, was among a number of ministers who tried to ever so gently stuff him over the Máire Geoghegan-Quinn pension affair.

Mary Hanafin has thrown herself with gusto into the Culture role which saw her at the Dead Zoo rubbing a replica elephant’s tusk, oblivious to the “Please Do Not Touch” sign beneath it as she announced: “It’s a great looking yoke.”

Which is certainly not a description applicable to the Fianna Fáil pensions palaver.

After out-flanking the Taoiseach on why Geoghegan-Quinn should hand the ministerial pension back, Hanafin was struck dumb on Jim McDaid’s refusal to do likewise.

She stared blankly at an RTÉ camera for a number of seconds, refusing to say anything on the issue, before a second question forced a bland comment on it being up to individuals.

Why the coyness? It is not as if Hanafin was stuck between a rock and hard place regarding Cowen and McDaid – she was actually stuck between a hippo and a wild boar at this particular section of the museum.

Curious that Hanafin, Micheál Martin and Dermot Ahern were not so reticent on their views when speaking out about Geoghegan-Quinn, leaving Cowen looking out of tune with public opinion.

As we continued the tour, we learned that the stuffed giraffe represented a solitary species which is unable to communicate – could this be Cowen’s problem, is he part giraffe?

It was now clear that McDaid was definitely part ostrich, content to bury his head in the sand, insisting he was clinging onto his €22,487 pension – despite a Dáil salary of €100,000 – out of “principle”.

Yes, McDaid was only doing it for the little guy because if he did not make such a “principled” stand against the media “witch hunt” on continuing to pocket his pension, thenit would mean only therich could afford to enter politics.

And who could argue with logic like that? In McDaid’s head maybe only the super wealthy would be able to slum it on a measly €100k a year, but in the Real World it is three times the average wage and 10 times what the 430,000 people thrown onto the dole receive in their slashed welfare payments.

But then McDaid is used to driving against the traffic of public opinion – and maybe we should be grateful that this time it wasn’t while over the alcohol limit and going the wrong direction on a dual carriageway.