JFK had 1,000 days of Camelot ... we have Slumpalot

WHILE JFK’s 1,000 days in office were dubbed Camelot, the Fianna Fáil/Green coalition’s 1,000 days in power could be more aptly summed-up as Slumpalot.

The usual pall of gloom hung over the strange political bedfellows yesterday as they did there best to ignore the landmark anniversary of their roller-coaster relationship, both keenly aware things can’t go on like this for much longer.

And as Labour leader Eamon Gilmore was on hand to point out that 270 people had lost their jobs for every day the coalition had been in office – a legacy of 270,000 extra people swelling the dole queues to some 430,000 – there really was not that much to celebrate. But then suddenly, the Greens wanted to party like there was no tomorrow – perhaps because, for their party, there really is no tomorrow.

John Gormley again set himself up as a rotisserie chicken, but first he needed to be plucked – plucked from the despair of the Greens’ National Executive Committee meeting which sounded like an exercise in unnecessary self-flagellation even the most extreme Opus Dei devotee would balk at.

Reports from within the inner sanctum of the Greens stated Mr Gormley would rotate himself out of office if that’s what the uppity Ciarán Cuffe really wanted, and lo, the NEC bowed and prayed at the foot of John the Hapless as he prepared to walk barefoot into the political wilderness.

It looked as if he’d bump into the toppling Tánaiste on the way out as she again began to visibly wilt under the weight of the reshuffle kerfuffle swirling around her.

Fine Gael’s attack puppy Leo Varadkar was let loose to savage the ankles of the Minister for Mass Unemployment and made it quite clear to Ms Coughlan that she really shouldn’t be let out of the country on her own as she was a national embarrassment.

Ms Coughlan dismissed the personalised jibes as “nasty”, and to be fair, they were. But, to be fair to Mr Varadkar, he was only repeating what business people had been saying about her on national television the previous night – the fabled 1,000th night of this Government.

In 1940 Winston Churchill declared that if the British Empire lasted for another 1,000 years, the Battle of Britain would be its finest hour. The battle was won, but the Empire was lost and only survived another seven years.

After 1,000 days which have left Ireland looking like an economic battlesite, there appear to be no winners and the coalition’s in-built contradictions make it lasting another seven days often seem shaky.

History will be hard pressed to find its finest hour, but its most infamous hour was surely the one from 4.30am on the morning of September 30, 2008 when, incredibly, it was decided to extend the guarantee scheme to Bank of the Living Dead – Anglo Irish, which just happened to be the favourite financial prop of many of FF’s big developer buddies.

The abrupt and unexpected end to his presidency meant that JFK escaped much of the blame he deserved for sinking America into the quagmire of Vietnam – how different from this Government who will be forever branded with responsibility for what is more than ever looking like our very own VietNama.

Which brings us down to the age-old question – is it better to know the date of your demise, or not?

President Kennedy had no idea a supposed lone gunman was waiting for him on that grassy knoll by the Dallas book repository, but this coalition is all too well aware it faces assassination from 3.1m registered voters waiting for it in the long grass by the Irish revenge repository.

At least we haven’t lived through The Thousand Year Reich – more like The Thousand Day Wreck.