‘Holiday season particularly difficult time for women’s refuges’

CHRISTMAS in Cuanlee, a domestic violence refuge for women and children in Cork City, is a busy time.

Manager Pauline Dunne, who has worked at the centre for more than 25 years, said the holiday period is a particularly difficult time for families to be at the refuge. And while many will try and stick things out at home for the children’s sake – sometimes there is no choice.

“We try to make everything as normal as possible here. We have a party and make it all about the children.”

Indeed the warm, bright living room – complete with tree, gifts and stuffed Santas – could be any normal family room.

But behind the happy Christmas cheer and warm glow which Cuanlee provides lies a sad story of family breakdown and violence.

Women and children have been forced to flee their homes, not just at Christmas, when family life is supposed to be at its happiest, but anytime of the year.

At Christmas and New Year’s, however, things can often come to a head. Families are at home together, there may be alcohol involved, and there is the additional pressure of finances and trying to make everything perfect for the children.

Whatever the time of year though, all of the women and children who come to Cuanlee, which can house six families in its premises, are at breaking point.

“They are always in crisis when they come to us and have nowhere else to go,” said Ms Dunne.

The figures are astonishing.

Last year 6,196 women received support from support services and 1,473 women were accommodated in a refuge.

“People simply do not realise what is involved – the amount of work it takes for these women to leave,” maintains Ms Dunne.

“There are court cases, upheaval of leaving the family home, applying for legal aid.

“Some will need a doctor or to go to hospital, the guards, accompany them to welfare, advocate for them. And we just listen to their story.

“Being listened to is very important for these women. They are traumatised.”

The children too are always fully aware of what is going on and must be treated especially carefully. Cuanlee attempts to make everything as comfortable as possible.

It provides art classes and homework classes at what is a very disruptive time for children.

Women and children often stay up to three months at Cuanlee, but the length of each stay is entirely dependent on the situation.

“Sometimes they are here for a week, sometimes longer, but there is no black and white.”

Cuanlee sees women come in from the country and stay for the weekend because they know their husbands will be drinking.

Older women too, who may have been through 20 years of an abusive marriage, come through the doors, but increasingly young girls are presenting.

“We have 18 and 19 year olds.

“They usually go back but we try to get the message through to them. We hope it won't take them 20 years to realise.”

Unfortunately, the stigma around domestic violence still lingers a little, and women feel it is their fault – that they have failed, and this is why they often go back.

“Some go home and it can take several visits for them to finally make the break.”

Another big problem is trying to move women on to longer-term accommodation.

Sometimes there can be a wait for at least six months for a more permanent place to live, Ms Dunne said.

“We need more transitional housing for when women are ready for independent living.

We can’t afford to house people long term, that is a problem.”

Some of the women who come through Cuanlee’s doors will end up going back to the abusive relationship.

But for those who do make that final break, it is just the first step in a long battle for independence.

The refuge and its support services are there to make things as easy as possible for them.

“It is a huge decision to leave home. Most want to keep the family together, but the situation is so bad they have to do something.

“Everyone has the right to live without violence.”