All aboard for Toyland as Noddy plans trip

ENDA Kenny yesterday demanded that Brian Cowen must go — on holiday with him.

In an usual turn of events, Mr Kenny suggested he and the Taoiseach might take a little mini-break in Europe to get away from all the doom and gloom at home.

Enda tried to tempt a bemused looking Mr Cowen by boasting that he had lots of friends on the continent and he’d be only too happy to introduce Brian to them during their road trip.

Enda even offered to pay for the sojourn and all Mr Cowen had to do to show his gratitude was reduce VAT, which Mr Kenny said would help gain EU approval from his Brussels buddies on their grand tour.

Mr Cowen appeared slightly worried by the invitation and pretended it hadn’t actually happened. Obviously now concerned about Mr Kenny’s grip on reality, he even went as far as apologising for using “big words” like structural deficit when talking about the economy.

Enda’s bizarre move drew derision from Fianna Fáil benches, as one TD couldn’t resist mentioning Mr Kenny’s recent bust-up with Fine Gael’s Europe spokeswoman, shouting: “You should take Lucinda with you.”

The Lucinda Creighton in question affected to ignore the comments as someone else roared at Enda: “You’d be better off on your own.”

It was all a tad more light-hearted than the ugly clash between Labour leader Eamon Gilmore and Transport Minister/FF frontbench bouncer Noel Dempsey.

“That’s a lie!” Mr Dempsey exclaimed at claims his department had known about trouble with SR Technics long before he warned the Enterprise Department.

Mr Dempsey then refused to withdraw the remark, insisting he was only accusing Mr Gilmore of telling lies, not being a liar.

That clearly is a notion that only makes sense in Mr Dempsey’s head, much like the idea that his Transport 21 initiative is not actually dead on its knees.

The Fine Gaelers seemed to have tuned out by this point as they passed round raffle tickets to each other — or maybe it was a sweepstake on when, exactly, Mr Kenny would be deposed — anyway they were clearly not interested in Mr Cowen’s mumbling about the live register.

The Taoiseach’s apology for using “big words” was obviously also a realisation by his handlers that the Taoiseach’s counter-cyclical-esque jargon-loving language is turning off voters, but no amount of fluffy prose could make the unemployment surge numbers Mr Cowen was reading out look good.

Yet again the two Green Cabinet members were not there to hear any of it, as John Gormley and Eamon Ryan were otherwise engaged while the Government they prop up came under renewed fire, accused of economic incompetence.

Well, it did from Labour anyway, as Mr Kenny is now so keen to be seen as a team player he has turned Leader’s Questions into Leader’s Suggestions, and rather than rail against the Government, keeps trying to please it, which is all very nice but not really the battle of competing ideas which should underpin a parliamentary democracy.

Best forget the mini-break idea Enda — Noddy and Big Words perambulating across Europe in our car crash of an economy — it’s hardly what Ireland’s tattered reputation needs right now.