Bruiser Brian v Edgy Enda, but nobody lands a blow

DING! Ding! Seconds out, round one. Bruiser Brian vs Enda the Denter, trading blows to be king of the Dáil ring.

Ideological fight fans were left disappointed though, as it proved more of a sparring session than grudge match with the pair content to circle each other warily, leaving few marks for their efforts.

Like Rocky’s trainer before him, it seemed Bertie Ahern was playing the part of the Clara Sparrer’s psyched-out mentor when he talked up his boy with dire warnings that challengers should be ready for their doom as his successor would be a bit more bash-happy in the Dáil bear pit than he was. “If there is a row on, he won’t be as polite as I am. If somebody wants a row with Brian, if I was them I’d stay up late the night before preparing for it,” Mr Ahern announced as he himself stepped from the ring for the final time, still licking his wounds from encounters with Judge “Dread” Mahon.