A long wait to speak to a human

TOO many telephone “helplines” are a hindrance instead of a help if our survey of 110 consumer hotlines is anything to go by.

Ill thought-out with too few staff and too many delays, it’s a fair bet that anyone who has had to ring one won’t be ringing back in a hurry.

Last week, I spent two days ringing 110 public helplines, consumer hotlines and switchboards to find out just how long callers had to wait to speak to a human being.

And the reality was grim: Confusing menu choices, long waits to speak to a human voice and even pre-recorded messages telling callers to look at the internet instead.

Although I chose the 110 at random, it was clear that the longest waits were for callers dialling Government or public sector hotlines: God help you if you ever need a passport, driving test or work permit.

Mind you, consumer helplines to private firms like Sky and Chorus weren’t much better either. And that’s even for people ringing sales hotlines as prospective customers wanting to hand over hard cash.

What also becomes apparent from ringing all these helplines is that they are designed — inadvertently or craftily — to “bat off” and discourage as many callers as possible.

Long delays, pre-recorded messages pointing people in the direction of websites and the harassed staff when you get through are all symptoms of a lack of customer service ethos.

Do the people running such helplines honestly think that if we had the internet and could find the answer we wanted then we’d be ringing up just for a chat?

The snakeoil salesmen selling such helplines to Government departments and big business promise a customer revolution, but they scupper the plans by doing the job on the cheap.

You’d really wonder if anyone who is in charge of these helplines carried out a touch of market research into how “customer friendly” they are — and rang the number themselves.

Tesco’s customer service line led us down an electronic cul-de-sac we could not get out of unless we hung up the phone before speaking to anyone, for instance. Likewise the Commission for Energy Regulation’s consumer helpline promised to connect us to an answer-phone, but just cut us off after 11 minutes of waiting.

It’s about time consumers — and taxpayers — became more militant and demanded big business and civil servants started improving their telephone manner.