Psychologists warn of difficulties family will face after kidnap

THE main difficulty for people held hostage like the O’Donovans is that the abduction occurred in the relative safety of their own home, said clinical psychologist Marguerite O’Neill.

“We feel we can control things in our own home and when someone invades that safe haven it confronts our idea of security.”

Ms O’Neill, who works with families and their children at her practice in Limerick, is anxious to emphasise that not all those who experience abduction will be severely traumatised and unable to cope.

“The most important positive factor is that certain things held true to expectation. Once Mr O’Donovan was in a position to raise the alarm, help was at hand and it came quickly. The gardaí acted swiftly and appropriately. They did their job and that fact will help.”

Ms O’Neill warns, however, that though the O’Donovan children slept throughout the ordeal that does that mean they are not affected by it.

She adds that Mr O’Donovan’s decision to alert the gardaí when he finally freed himself might also cause him difficulty.

“He made the right choice. He saved his wife and children by making that choice but he had no idea at the time that it was the correct one.”

She said: “Another aspect for the parents to deal with is the ‘what if’ factor. ‘What if things had gotten out of hand? What if one of the children had been hurt?’ These are things the parents will be playing out in their head for some time to come.”

Experts say the recovery of young victims from abduction or hostage experiences will depend largely on how well their parents and loved ones cope with the ordeal themselves.

“It’s really important for parents to know their children, know their child’s history, and really listen to their children,” said Gail Gross, an American-based child psychologist.

“It’s really important that parents confirm their children’s feelings and validate what they’re feeling. If the adult says everything will be all right, then the child will believe everything will be all right.”

That is something that Damien and Rachel Kilmartin know about, through bitter experience. It is barely two months since the Kilmartins, who operate the landmark N6 Centre in Athlone, had to endure a trauma that lasted for an hour and a half.

Their three children, plus a fourth child who was visiting their house at the time, were held captive by four burglars brandishing a sledge hammer, a baseball bat and two iron bars.

Although the robbers got away with little cash, it has left the family traumatised.

“I don’t want to talk about it, I have no comment,” said Damien Kilmartin yesterday.

He added that some reports of what occurred during the raid were grossly inaccurate.

Ms O’Neill says that such a reaction is quite normal. “When you are traumatised it is the small details that matter enormously.”