Uninspiring musical chairs game still had theatrics

AS the Dáil began to fill up yesterday afternoon, the focus of an entire summer’s worth of intrigue, gossip, barely-founded speculation and raw jealousy shifted to any non-occupied seats.

With impatience building at a painful rate - and giddy rumours involving Daffy Duck for Transport getting more absurd - the usually obstreperous Opposition even scrapped plans to hold up proceedings by forcing every item on the day’s agenda to a vote.

And despite months of bitter attempts to stay in favour, Michael Smith bowed out remarkably gracefully, sitting himself down calmly among the backbenchers far above the trenches below - not a grenade in sight.

Anyone not present had landed a Cabinet position and, as the last seconds ticked by, it became apparent to all that almost everybody not present was already in Cabinet anyway. So much for a radical reshuffle.

What really transpired, apart from the elevation of Dick Roche, Willie O’Dea and Mary Hanafin, was a game of musical chairs between remaining senior ministers.

If Tommy Cooper had pulled this one out of a hat you’d hold off, knowing the real gag was just around the corner.

But there was nothing else to Bertie’s card trick - bar a beaming Conor Lenihan popping up like a cat among the junior ministerial pigeons.

Willie O’Dea - whose moustache we believe is modelled on that of a smart imperialistic, colonising general of the British realm in pre-independence India - takes over his very own defence forces. The sheer width of the smirk behind the new Limerick colonel didn’t even fade when it transpired there was no seat left for him along the Dáil’s front row.

Despite the uninspiring reshuffle, there were moments of pure theatre as some of the usual suspects began to relish a return to Leinster House.

“The country’s safe,” bellowed Mayo’s best voice box Michael Ring to howls of laughter at Willie O’Dea’s appointment.

Enda Kenny managed to make vague and opaque references to Daz, while Pat Rabbitte was looking forward to a massive unemployment crisis if Micheal Martin duplicates his health achievements in the Department of Enterprise.

It’s also good to see the traditional relationship between the Labour leader and Ceann Comhairle Rory O’Hanlon remains as healthy as ever.

“I’m absolutely delighted you weren’t moved yourself,” said Pat at the first interruption of the new Dáil term. And, so, the show goes on...