One Martin Cullen is enough, thanks

YOU heard it here first: Martin Cullen has split personalities. And, no, we’re not making sly reference to Martin’s seeming confusion as to whether he’s Minister for Transport or Mayor of Waterford.

In the midst of a heated Dáil debate about the provision of public transport, he indicated that he was awaiting a crucial document from Dublin Bus.

“I can’t go down to Bus Áras and write it for them myselves,” he - or should that be they? - said in some frustration.

Of course, in the official records of the debate, Martin was talking about himself in the singular. But then official history does its best to clean up the past - mercifully, it doesn’t always succeed.

Charlie Haughey’s former election agent, for instance, was famously accused of voter impersonation back in 1982, the suspicion being that he had voted twice at different polling stations in the Boss’s constituency. Official history shows Pat O’Connor was cleared, as the case collapsed on a technicality.

The unofficial history was much more entertaining, however. Magill famously christened him twice, and the election agent became known for evermore as Pat O’Connor, Pat O’Connor.

So should it be Martin Cullen, Martin Cullen then? Or MC2, perhaps? (Which, conveniently, would give the Opposition an easy formula by which to remember one of the Government’s spending debacles: E-voting=MC2).

Nah, Bertie would never stand for it: one Martin Cullen is more than enough.

But it wasn’t just the (apparently numerous) Martin Cullens of this world who were feeling the heat. Bertie himself, having just got through a series of stark questions from the Opposition about the death of 76-year-old Patrick Joseph Walsh in Monaghan Hospital, then had to face Socialist Party TD Joe Higgins.

Joe raised a series of questions about the practice of local authorities delegating responsibility for crucial public services to private management companies.

Bertie responded: “A valid argument exists on whether legislation should govern management companies because many of them...”

“... are the builder’s brother,” Labour TD Joan Burton interjected.

Sometimes, Bertie must wish he had a few more wags - and a few less Martin Cullens - on his side of the floor.