Children of suicide victims more likely to kill themselves

CHILDREN in families where there has been a suicide have a higher than average rate of killing themselves, a conference heard yesterday.

Speaking at the Family Life Services seminar in Wexford, Sr Kathleen Maguire said the reason for this phenomenon is not because the tendency for suicide is biologically inherited but because many children can grow up in a heritage of guilt, anger and a sense of worthlessness.

“These negative emotions need to be addressed. Don’t hide yourself in adult secrecy. Give the children clear, correct facts about a suicide in a compassionate and comprehensive manner and be open, answer questions again and again,” she said.

Providing some pointers for families dealing with children where a suicide has occurred, she recommended:

* Allow the child to see your grief;

* Allow the child to be present at the wake and funeral;

*Don’t plan one big ‘tell all about suicide’ discussion, but to maintain continuing dialogue;

*Avoid fairy tales and half truths as distortion can do lasting harm; better for them to hear it from family than friends, neighbours or newspapers;

* Don’t place unnecessary burdens on youngsters by saying things like “now you must be the man/woman of the house”;

*Tell them suicide does not have to be the way out of difficulties and problems can be solved in other ways.

Sr Kathleen also advised families to encourage the children to be with their friends and return to usual activities as soon as possible, but to tell their school or day care centre about the suicide: “You need to talk with, not to, the child about the sad moment of death, but also about happy times.

Rev Dr Tony Byrne advised anyone who receives a suicidal communication for someone not to react aggressively or be shocked by anything the person tells them. Statements like “do you realise the pain you will cause your family”, or “you should be thankful for how fortunate you are”, may be the wrong thing to say.

“Direct and caring questions are more helpful, such as ‘are you thinking of killing yourself?’

“With such a question the suicidal person is often relieved and able to explain his or her feelings and to engage in a process of freeing repressed emotions,” Rev Byrne said.

The Samaritans helpline number is 1850 609090.

The figures

* Between 1997 and 2000, 15 people aged under 14 took their own life.

* The number of 15-24 year olds in the same period who committed suicide was 444.

* In 2001 the number of people who committed suicide was 448 - up from 413 people in 2000.