PLEASE, pretty please, no hairshirt budget talk til late November.

SO Fine Gael wants to chop another party leader – a decent and honest man – on the basis of an opinion poll.

WHAT to do with Harney’s swine flu jabs?

ISRAEL did as Israel does. Surprise, surprise.

DON’T know about you but the HSE makes me feel sick.

I’M sick of Fianna Fáil but I still can’t see a real alternative.

GARDAÍ applaud allegations of political corruption — will they investigate?

TEACHER! Teacher! My daddy says it’s bad manners to turn one’s back and sulk in class.

IF Rowan Williams isn’t careful, he’ll revitalise Irish Catholicism.

AFTER Bailout Tuesday, the whole country feels crucified this Good Friday.

CAN RTÉ not find one mass-goer born since JFK was shot?

GETTING children to swear an oath of secrecy to spare evil priests was surely the work of the devil.

SO the iceberg-hugging Greens apparently have a pact to reshuffle the Titanic’s deck chairs.

WHY not name and shame all the ‘Rodys’ and ‘Rodyettes’ in the the Central Bank?

MY New Year resolution: move to the private sector.

FIRST we tugged the forelock for the landlord’s agent, then for the Catholic clergy, and now we have no kiss curls left.

AFTER the European Court of Human rights ban on crucifixes in Italian schools, what next? The rosary beads?

Cecelia and Bertie: chicklit and codlit.

FOR Ireland’s sake, please resist the urge to take it out on the rotten assembly in Leinster House by rejecting the Lisbon Treaty.

THE pharmacists can spin until they’re dizzy, but they can’t conceal the brutal truth: they lost on all fronts.

I CAN’T wait to get the lead out on June 5.

AFTER the rugby grand slam, let’s hand the country over to the only Irish institution that leads by example and still commands respect — the IRFU.

APART from antique nationalism, what have Fianna Fáil and the Cork County GAA Board in common?

HURRY! Hurry! Free New Year hairshirts at Cowen & Co, Tullamore.

The pigs and bacon people have the hand out for the €180m ‘rescue’ package agreed with our panic-stricken Government.

HOW fares Ireland?

MEMO to Tom Parlon: