THE launch of Scoopy Poo (Irish Examiner, March 15) reminds me of the poser from Billy Connolly – “When did you last see a dog stepping on a human jobbie?”

SO an attempt was made to auction a strand of Elvis Presley’s hair (February 26).

AMAZING the amount of well meaning folk who simply throw a bucket of warm water on the snow outside their doors. Along comes Jack Frost and by morning he is holding auditions for the next Fred Astaire.

YOU report (December 15) that Michael Jackson’s loafers are on offer for €13,000.

I LEARN that US astronaut Buzz Aldrin’s mother, was a Marion Moon.

READING of the giant man looking for a wife (September 17) may prompt some women to think that it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved a tall?

WITH a Durex on the plate (front page picture, September 3) there may be complaints that the chicken was a bit rubbery.

SUGGESTED special offer sign for under-pressure pubs – “Drink prices sloshed.”

MY hearty congrats to 90-year-old Clarence Corrigan for scaling Croagh Patrick recently.

With regard to texting while driving, one wonders how long it takes them to text the word “eejit”?

SURELY that wife-carrying lark in Kerry (July 27) would break the back of any marriage?

IN these gloomy days, congratulations to Neil Sedaka for providing a real tra-la-la night at the National Concert Hall in Dublin last Tuesday.

DESPITE the price, will the bidding for the postage stamp featuring Audrey Hepburn (May 27) begin post haste?

IN his letter headlined ‘AA roadwatch runs into verbal gridlock’ (May 20), Barry O’Reilly makes his point about AA Roadwatch-speak in a direct, as opposed to “rindabout” way.

YOUR piece headlined ‘Calendar girls bare all 10 years on’ (May 12) reminded me of the two fellas who stole a calendar. They got six months each…

WHAT is (a) a “celebrity” and (b) a “socialite”… both human beings perhaps.

HOPEFULLY the bull that entered the supermarket in Ballinrobe was greeted with a “good moo—ning”.

SURELY paying two grand for a bikini (April 16) would leave one skint?

ALTERNATIVE title for The Three Tenors… Thirty Quid?

FIGURES quoted for the recent sale of John McCormack’s portrait... a case perhaps of “love thee dearest”?

WHETHER it was a laugh which Tom Gilsenan heard, or even mild hysteria, as Breda Gilmer suggested (Letters, February 11/13), could it have been St Patrick’s response to the prospect of imminent political exodus/tourism by TDs in his honour, when they perhaps should stay at home on March 17 and not only keep public money where their country needs it, but make some attempt to get those abroad who really care enough, and can afford to travel, to come here?

INTERESTING photo (February 13) of a girl eating a grasshopper.

IN response to Tom Gilsenan who thought he heard someone laugh recently (Letters, February 11) ... ‘surly’ not, Mr Gilsenan, more the sound of mild hysteria.

I COULD have sworn I heard someone laughing recently.

SHOULD the Naked Cowboy do a cover version of Sinatra’s ‘I’ve got you under my skin’?

THE news brief regarding a coal lorry being stolen (December 22) informed us that the vehicle was “hotwired”.

THE Japanese have replaced us as the world’s best tea drinkers (July 1) — a clear case of ‘being knocked out of the cup’?

THE article on polishing one’s shoes (Last Word, April 7), by Tom Sykes, struck a chord with me. For as long as I can remember, I have actually enjoyed the same ritual.

THREE words that can signal chaos early on Christmas morning: “Batteries Not Included.”