I was a good student always. I studied like mad. Every night of my life I would study for four hours at home, says Francis Brennan

“Don’t get me wrong,” sighed a favourite old colleague as we balefully examined United’s dim final-week prospects yesterday morning. “I’m still glad Ole’s at the wheel. It’s just that he’s driving a sodding clown car.”

A Kildare man has been jailed for three and half years for the manslaughter of a student in Mullingar over 18 months ago.

A judge today told a 16-year-old suspected heroin dealer who complained about conditions in St Patrick’s Institution that “jail is not Butlins”.

Loveable DIY hero Bob the Builder is to become the new face of British holiday company Butlins, it was announced today.