THE return of Stock Aitken and Waterman at a Hyde Park festival this July will, for some, confirm that we are living in an Eighties timewarp, reliving all the worst aspects of the decade: namely the recession.

Time to perm the hair again. Or to hide the bald patch.

YESTERDAY’s alcohol ban in central Bari, only lifted after last night’s match in the San Nicola Stadium, was about as futile and comical an exercise as one high-profile but uncapped League of Ireland player’s announcement of his retirement from international football a couple of seasons ago.

Paul McCartney may be forced to turn down the volume when his European tour reaches Rome – in case he wakes the Pope.