'The first time my family saw me, I was singing a song about who they might be on The Late Late Show'

Kieran McGuinness of husband-wife duo Driven Snow and former Delorentos member, tells Helen O’Callaghan about the October night in 2014 when he performed on the Late Late Show, shared the news with family and friends that he and Emily were expecting their first baby – while at the same time, unknown to him, his birth family watched him perform a song about who they might be

Kieran McGuinness: 'I’d never gone to look for my birth parents. I have parents, amazing people. I was protective of them, never felt I was missing anything.' Picture: Moya Nolan

When you’re brought up with your birth family and everything happens as would generally be expected in life, you somehow don’t see the threads that connect us all.

But as a person born of chance — my birth parents meeting, giving me up, my parents adopting me — there’s an insane amount of randomness to my existence.

I’ve had a lot of crazy coincidences, serendipitous moments in my life. Being on a different path, I’ve seen them clearly.

Life has a way of connecting things. It happened the night we were on The Late Late Show in October 2014. The background to this: We’d had a difficult few years — the band Delorentos — chasing this thing in the industry, playing music we weren’t as fond of, but it was cool at the time. 

A huge record deal had fallen apart. So we thought: Let’s write songs about personal things, things we care deeply about.

I was trying to write a realistic song about love and being adopted. I wrote Petardu – a song about who my birth parents might be.

I was born in Bessborough mother and baby home. I had little information. I had darker skin than my friends. I’d make up stories. Was my mother from Cork, my father from somewhere else?

I’d never gone to look for my birth parents. I have parents, amazing people. I was protective of them, never felt I was missing anything.

I got married in the summer of 2013 and — for biological, family history reasons and curiosity — I thought I’d check out who my birth parents might be. So I applied to Cúnamh. It said it’d get back to me if my birth mother wanted contact.

One day, while packing the van for a gig in Letterkenny that night, a phone call from Cúnamh. It had all these details.

I stood to the side, the guys packing the van. I got my birth mother’s first name. I had brothers and sisters. I stood there, shocked. Suddenly, this whole world opened up. Cúnamh told me where she lived. She lived in Letterkenny.

I played that show, spent the whole time in this dream world, staring at the audience, wondering it they were in the audience. Who looks like me? My siblings could have been there, considering the age of the audience.

Kieran McGuinness: 'I didn’t realise my letter mentioning Delorentos had started a chain reaction in Letterkenny. My birth mother decided to tell her family about me. She showed them the letter. They devoured all this information.' Picture: Moya Nolan.

My birth mother and I very slowly started to write to each other, giving small details — you’re supposed to take it slowly. There was lots of time between letters; each letter goes via the adoption agency. The month before our Late Late Show appearance, I mentioned in a letter that I was in Delorentos.

What was also happening: Emily and I were going to have a baby. On the night of TheLate Late Show we’d reached the three-month mark — we planned to tell the band after the show. I was nervous about how they’d react. We were a full-time band, just back from a US tour.

I needn’t have worried.

I didn’t realise my letter mentioning Delorentos had started a chain reaction in Letterkenny. My birth mother decided to tell her family about me. She showed them the letter. They devoured all this information.

“Wow! This person! Playing music!”

Behind the scenes, my siblings went online and found out I’d be playing on The Late Late Show.They got all the family together, the cousins, everyone. On that night, all the family in Letterkenny sat down to watch me.

Kieran McGuinness: 'Me becoming a father brought perspective, understanding of what my birth mother must have gone through to give up a child, how hard it must have been. The whole thing brought a lot of the truth home.' Picture: Moya Nolan.

The first time any of them saw me in real life, singing Petardu, a song about who they might be.

I had no idea they were watching but, when I went to sing, I felt the weight of the number of people watching me.

I thought maybe, maybe they’re out there, maybe they’re watching. Our letters continued. Later, my birth mother described how they’d all come together and watched the show. I couldn’t believe it. It felt like the thing that was supposed to happen.

That night was the link between our having a child, announcing to family and friends that we were having a child, while at the same time, I was being announced to my birth mother and family in Donegal.

The announcement was going forward, and the announcement was going backwards.

When I met my birth mother for the first time, Emily was heavily pregnant.

It was magical for everyone. Me becoming a father brought perspective, understanding of what my birth mother must have gone through to give up a child, how hard it must have been. The whole thing brought a lot of the truth home.

I worried how it would affect my parents, Áine and Joe McGuinness, it just made their life and connection to me stronger.

All through the process of meeting my birth mother and family, there were loads of unexpected events. The whole thing has made me more reflective and mindful of the bonds we all have. I’m very careful not to take any of those bonds for granted.

• Kieran McGuinness and wife Emily Aylmer make up the indie-pop duo Driven Snow. With musical careers growing from their roles in Delorentos and Republic of Loose, the pair will release their second studio album later this year. Their new single, Knots, is out now.
• Follow @DrivenSnowMusic on Instagram.