Diary of a Gen Z Student: Is ghosting the greatest gift of the digital age?
'Women basically decide after about two dates, whether or not a particular guy is a runner. Sometimes, it’s within the first thirty seconds.' File picture: iStock
There are many reasons that I’m grateful to have grown up in the digital age. Online shopping, Google Maps, Instagram Reels that numb my brain just the perfect amount to lull me to sleep at night.
Sure, there’s the scary stuff like people using ChatGPT as a therapist, and AI girlfriends. But apart from that, we’re having a good time, aren’t we? Best not to think too closely about questions like that.
Anyway, what I was really hoping to talk about today is one of the greatest developments of the digital age: ghosting. The greatest thing to come from dating since the man paying on the first date.
Dating isn’t always easy. Putting yourself out there, underwired bras, having to come to terms with the fact that you actually like men. It can be an uncomfortable experience.
Looking into your drink as you try to come up with a better question than, ‘What’s your favourite colour?’ And here’s one thing I believe to be true: women basically decide after about two dates, whether or not a particular guy is a runner. Sometimes, it’s within the first 30 seconds.
Boys don’t always realise that their fate is not in their hands. They’re just along for the journey. All they have to do is open a few doors, sit around and look pretty.
They don’t know how easy they have it. They’re sitting there enjoying a drink while I’m doing mental gymnastics about whether or not I can deal with a relationship with a picky eater (I can’t).
There’s a lot to be said about being efficient when it comes to deciding if a guy will make the cut. For one thing, if you’ve not been seeing each other for long, you can probably get away without having to sit down and tell someone that you’re not interested.
If it’s only been two dates, I really don’t want to have to do a deep dive into where it all went wrong. I’m still not sure what your surname is.
Why must I see you in person to tell you I’m put off by people that are too cautious crossing the road? I know it’s not logical. You know it’s not logical. But we’ve both just wasted an hour of our day to sit down and talk about it.
I don’t have time to be wasting on that kind of thing. Enter: ghosting. It’s efficient. It’s non-confrontational. It’s easy.
After that second date, all you’ve got to do is quietly drop off the face of the earth. No calls or texts. Maybe an unfollow on Instagram. And the job’s done. You’re a free woman once more.
You won’t be spending an hour fighting with some winged eyeliner for someone that doesn’t deserve it. And you didn’t waste any mental energy thinking about how to phrase "I’m just not interested" in a way that won’t ruin someone’s life.
When you think about it, ghosting can actually be quite a tender act. Because the ghoster is always the villain. The ghostee is clearly an innocent victim of your callous heart.
And you know what makes a rejection easier? Being able to say the other person is "a right so and so" for ghosting you so coldly.
You don’t have to worry about what you might have done to earn a ghosting. You just have to remind yourself that someone that would ghost another person is not someone you want to be in a relationship with.
Those things may be true. But if it saves me the trouble of having to sit down and talk to someone about why they’ve not progressed to the third date, I’m okay with being the villain in their story. It’s kind of a win-win.
I’m not recommending this approach to dating. Communication is probably the healthy and mature answer, but this is about as far from an advice column as it gets.
If you decide to take inspiration from my poor dating practices, that’s a you problem.
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