Diary of a Gen Z student: Beetroot juice, oversharing, and 'the ick'

Jane Cowan: "Just a heads up: if you haven’t worked it out already, this is not an advice column. I overshare about my life for 800 odd words every week. That’s my brand. But for legal reasons, I do not recommend this lifestyle to anyone. Go to your doctor if you want an official diagnosis. Read on, if you want some insight into my madness." Picture: Moya Nolan

If there’s one thing I’ve learned too much about from social media, it’s psychology.

Well, pseudo-psychology. You don’t have to be qualified to spout out advice about wellness, mental health, or basically anything. Obviously, it has its drawbacks...

People will tell you that you can cure depression with a beetroot juice every morning (something big pharma doesn’t want us to know about!). They’ll say that medication is a big ruse, trying to keep us all sick. And they'll fail to analyse the fact that humans are living longer than ever before.

But I’m not here to hash out that argument. I am what the TikTok influencers don’t care to admit about themselves — unqualified to speak on such topics. And even though it goes against my better judgement, sometimes I listen to what these people have got to say. It probably is misinformation, but I like to hear them out. Maybe they do know something I don’t.

Just a heads up, though: if you haven’t worked it out already, this is not an advice column. I overshare about my life for 800 odd words every week. That’s my brand. But for legal reasons, I do not recommend this lifestyle to anyone. Go to your doctor if you want an official diagnosis. Read on, if you want some insight into my madness.

The madness at hand: a TikTok influencer recently made me aware that I (possibly) have an avoidant attachment style. That’s the one where people wanting to be close to me, freaks me out. In dating, that means I will reject you, before you reject me. You may think you fancy me. But don’t get too cosy, buddy. Alarm bells will soon ring in my head, and I will have to come up with an excuse to break things off with you. I’m easily spooked.

If you act like you might actually enjoy my company, there’s only one conclusion for me to come to: you’ve got something wrong with you. And the only logical thing to do next is rid you from my life.

Jane Cowan: "If there’s one thing I’ve learned too much about from social media, it’s psychology. Well, pseudo-psychology... People will tell you that you can cure depression with a beetroot juice every morning."

My avoidant attachment style came as quite the surprise to me. Here I was thinking that no one would ever reject me because I’m just that irresistible (which is true, thank you very much). But apparently, the problem is internal! I won’t give you the opportunity to reject me in the first place. I’m not the player I thought I was, sadly.

In general, I justified my avoidant behaviour by saying I had 'gotten the ick'. He was wearing ankle socks. Or I saw him run for a bus. Maybe he was vegetarian, used a skateboard, drank herbal tea. All perfectly adequate grounds for rejection, I thought. Turns out, I was actually seeking out icks to excuse myself from human contact. Not a great approach, I admit. I can’t expect these boys to be as perfect as I clearly am.

Worse again, this unofficial diagnosis didn’t even come with a beetroot juice cure.

Instead, ‘healing’ from this, as the influencers say, involves me changing my behaviour. Something I have been working on of late: fighting my natural instincts when it comes to men. To give people a chance, before I get put off by the way they cross the road or the fact that they post selfies on Instagram.

It’s not easy. It’s a bit like fighting the reflex to take your hand off a hot stove. It goes against everything my body tells me to do. Now, I attempt to only reject men when I have just cause.

But rewiring your brain doesn’t just happen. Working out if I’m unfairly judging a perfectly nice boy, or spending time on someone that doesn’t deserve it, feels like an impossible task. To a normal person, these things probably seem obvious. But to the recovering avoidants among us, it is anything but. What do you mean, I shouldn’t block a boy’s phone number, the second he expresses affection? Why would he do something like that? Keep those feelings to yourself. You’re disturbing me.

To help me wade through the noise that lives inside my own brain, I find myself relying on my friends for guidance. God love them. I’m texting that group chat far too often. Recently it was ‘He asked me on a date — red flag????’ To which they responded by explaining that it’s actually normal and healthy to act like you’re attracted to someone. And of course, I’m sure they’re right. But I feel a little old to be learning new tricks, coming to terms with someone having feelings that involve me — whatever you want to call it.

I still think it's plain weird. Big pharma probably knows the juice to cure that.