Love online: 'We met on Tinder, I had no expectations, now we're married'
Liz Maguire and Sam Lemberger matched on Tinder in October 2015.
The dating scene has evolved irrevocably in the last couple of decades, with a generation of people surfing the web for true love. There are plenty of stories about the online dating world that don’t necessarily end in true love. Stories abound with tales of catfishing, ghosting, and horrific matches, but every once in a while, love wins the day.
Liz (31) and Sam (31) moved to Ireland in 2018 from Washington DC and have now settled in Dublin.
“When my husband and I 'matched' on Tinder in October 2015, I wasn't on dating apps for longer than a week,” says Liz, who originally thought they were for hookups.
“I didn't have any expectations! I'd never been in a serious relationship before, why would Tinder be any different?”
Equally, Sam was new to Tinder before he met Liz. “I believe she swiped right on me because of two photos,” he says.
“One of me next to a sign for the Red Head Bird at the zoo, as I am a redhead and the second was a photo of me doing stand-up comedy at an old dive bar with my trousers around my ankles.” This was at a time when all the information available was a first name and five photos. Sam thought Liz “was cute” and swiped right.
“We got talking about liking to read books and how she was just back from studying abroad in Ireland and I had mentioned that I had always wanted to travel, not realising that I would end up actually moving to Ireland with her years later,” he says.
As Liz and Sam connected, their first interaction has become a distinctive part of their lives together.
“Our first conversation was about how we were both writing books where we deliberately parodied two classics as if they were brand new ideas,” says Liz.
“He included this detail about the books in his wedding vows.”
Liz and Sam moved their conversations from Tinder to Facebook Messenger and met up about a week or two after they first matched. It may feel like a lifetime ago for the couple who have been together for 10 years this November, but they still have screenshots of those first conversations and the first official ‘asking out’ message.
“Being a collector of vintage love letters,” says Liz, “and running the hobby project Flea Market Love Letters, a digital archive of thousands of other people's letters, I am so glad I thought to screenshot this one little moment that would ultimately change our lives.”
For the first couple of months that Liz and Sam were together, they told “fibs” about how they met because they felt it was embarrassing until friends and family shared how they too met their partners on dating apps.
Aislinn (29) from Tipperary met her partner Will (29) from Waterford on Tinder.
“I had been using Tinder with the goal of finding a long-term partner when I had moved back to Dublin during the pandemic,” says Aislinn.
“The world was starting to open up again, and everyone was trying to find a sense of normality. The conversation, at first, was pretty dry and stilted as it often is when you're getting to know someone.”
She says that Will had made a really bad pun, and she ended up ghosting him for two weeks. “I hadn't given it much thought until later when I was on Tinder and looked at his profile again, which had a meme of a cat – a green flag for me - and some nice pictures. I figured I'd reach out.”
Aislinn sent Will her Instagram, where the spark was ignited. She says that once they connected there, it was much easier to get a sense of who he was without feeling pressured by a dating app. Their first date was at a Japanese restaurant, Takara, and Aislinn was thirty minutes late because of bad traffic. She says she was worried he was going to leave, but he stayed, and the rest is history.
They had been seeing each other casually for a few weeks until three days after Valentine's Day, Aislinn got food poisoning and Will surprised her at the door with a care package of a hot water bottle, new slippers, and a home-cooked meal.
“I was in my pjs, looking horrendous, and tried to eat his food,” she says. “It wasn't to my taste, but I was so touched by his thoughtfulness and effort. He asked me to be his girlfriend, and I joked that in a weakened state, he got me to accept.”
Aislinn and Will are together three years this February. They live together and have travelled across the world together. And while Aislinn says Will still makes awful puns, 90% of the time she finds him hilarious.
Adam Lyons, a dating coach and psychology expert and founder of Ask the Dating Coach, says that the first thing people should understand before getting into online dating is that there are a lot of fake profiles. “If a profile looks too good to be true, you have to assume it is,” he says.
“If every picture looks like a model and their bio says they're looking for someone that enjoys bedroom activities as much as they do, or it's somebody looking to spoil you with money, it's probably fake.”
Lyons advises that the easiest way to avoid getting caught out is to make sure you use video calls.
“While it is possible to fake a video call, it's very, very unlikely,” he says. “The skill required to do it is just not something the average person has, so aim to build towards a video call if possible.”
He also says that a lot of people on dating websites and apps don't fill out their profile. “They often write in their bio things like, ‘I'll fill this out later’" Funny enough, that is probably a real person, but it's also not the best foot forward. It's not the best way to do it if you're looking for love.”
So, what does Lyons recommend instead? “If you want to succeed at online dating, you need to have at least three very good pictures. It’s as simple as making sure there's good lighting and that you can clearly see your face. You want one full-body shot that shows what you physically look like. You want one shot that shows a close-up of the face, and ideally, a shot of you smiling.”
As veteran users of dating apps, Aislinn advises not to be afraid to move the conversation to a different app.
“It takes the pressure off and allows you to see how they actually are as a person,” she says, while Will recommends to be “light-hearted, make jokes, and don't use the same stupid pick-up lines that everyone says."
Liz says to keep an open mind. “But also, don't settle for anything less than you deserve because you feel pressure to pair up,” she advises.
“There really is something to being happy with yourself before you can be happy with anyone else. If you're going to use the apps seriously to find someone, be patient and don't be afraid to be yourself.”
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