Dairy of a Gen Z Student: 'It's hard to believe my brother is engaged'

We’re all still frozen in our teenage years in my head. Banging on the bathroom door for the shower before school and putting ice cubes into each other’s cups of tea while we’re not looking.

Jane Cowan: "There’s something strange about watching your brother give a speech at his engagement party. And it won’t be too long until I’m watching him give a speech as a married man. It’s also rare that so many friends and family can find themselves in the same room, celebrating." Picture: Moya Nolan.

As a child, I used to wonder what it would look like when my siblings started to get married. Who would they choose to add to the family? How would these people fit into the messiness that would greet them? I am the youngest of four children, so it always seemed important that they would choose wisely.

Over the years, my siblings and I had come up with some fairly solid ideas for the future. For instance, our St Patrick’s Day tradition will be playing the parade on the TV, so that we can avoid attending the real thing. Family holidays will be organised around nice restaurants and scenic beaches, not trekking across a mountain, carrying a tent on my back.

So, when my brother Sean sent a photo of a small navy box to our family WhatsApp group chat a few months ago, I couldn’t help but think of those future holidays.

His photo came without any explanation, but it doesn’t take long to decipher a box that size. My response went something like “OH MY GOD CONGRATULATIONS YOU’RE PROPOSING!!!!” . I knew my mother was driving home so I stood in the driveway and waited so I could see her reaction to the family group chat. Flood gates opened; tears soon followed.

My initial reaction was a little bit of disbelief that he’s old enough to make such a decision. We’re all still frozen in our teenage years in my head. Banging on the bathroom door for the shower before school and putting ice cubes into each other’s cups of tea.

Granted, I am writing this on his 30th birthday, so he’s a little old for the “child groom” label to be used. It is still difficult to wrap my head around it all. Sean is the first sibling to get married in our house, and people get married all the time. But it really is a big deal.

It seemed kind of surreal until I found myself at his engagement party in London last weekend. It was all so grown up: his fiancee, Diana, being asked to show someone her engagement ring every 18 seconds; discussions of the wedding venue; our grandad being introduced to Diana’s grandmother; guessing the ages of the bride and groom in childhood photos.

There’s something strange about watching your brother give a speech at his engagement party. And it won’t be too long until I’m watching him give a speech as a married man. It’s also rare that so many friends and family can find themselves in the same room, celebrating.

But as people ran around the room playing a his and hers edition of “most likely to”, it was clear that everyone was delighted to be there. It was a sunny Saturday afternoon of chatting over drinks in Islington. When my grandad looked around at the crowd of people and told me, “We’re so lucky to have this”, I knew he was right.

I had been a bit stressed leading up to the engagement. It’s the end of my college semester, so I was writing essays and worrying about deadlines ahead of the party.But I forgot about all of that very quickly when I saw the number of people that travelled from Ireland and the US to be there on the day.

It’s hard to comprehend how much time has passed since Sean stopped putting ice cubes into my cups of tea. The person that gave me a copy of The Stranger to read when I was 12, so that I could experience the book before my thinking had been corrupted by other people’s opinions of it. I might have been a little young for the existentialism, but I enjoyed it all the same.

I’ll be watching my brother say “I do” in the not too distant future. And I’ll be gaining a sister in law. I had a suspicion we would get to this point when I was introduced to Sean’s new girlfriend six years ago. I always knew we could trust him to add someone great to the family. The future of holidays in the Cowan clan is looking very bright: no mountaineering or camping, plenty of beach days and cocktails.

I, for one, cannot wait.