Dear Dáithí: Dirty, loud housemate is ruining my life

"You are a mature student and, I’m afraid, what has moved in recently is an immature one and she needs to be dealt with because this problem isn’t going away on its own."

Mon, 10 Mar, 2025 - 11:43

Dear Dáithí,

I’m a mature student, male, aged 27, and up until recently I shared a house with two other people, a couple.

They are absolutely ideal housemates. They work together, are out most of the day, tidy up after themselves, and tend to keep to themselves but are very nice, and we get along well.

We all do our share. There’s a rota for cleaning the downstairs of the house, and we look after our own parts of the upstairs.

However, there’s a new person causing trouble. She moved in about two months ago. She is in the box room, the smallest room, but I believe she is paying less rent than us.

The couple have a double en suite room. There’s another bathroom with a toilet and shower upstairs that I used to have to myself. The new housemate now uses that too. She puts her makeup and hair products all over the place in there. When she brushes her teeth, she splashes everywhere (don’t ask me how, the electric toothbrush maybe — it’s gross) and the mirror is caked with toothpaste spray. She leaves her wet towels on the floor. She leaves her hair clogging the drain. I am disgusted by her personal hygiene.

She is a student in the same college as me but is much younger. She brought five people back last week at 11.30pm and they were in the sitting room until past 2am. They left the place very messy. They did not smoke in the house but every time they went outside for a smoke to the back yard, they were right under my window and kept me awake.

I am a quiet person, I have been accused of being overly tidy, and I try to be ‘chill’ about the messes she leaves. But after the party, she left all the dirty ware in the sink, even though the dishwasher was empty (thanks to me).

I’ve been fuming about this all week but I don’t know how to say it to her without coming across as dull and overbearing. Also, I believe her parents are friends of the landlord and I am worried I might jeopardise my position in the house. How do I solve this without an argument?

Just when things were going so well for you. You had the perfect housemates and everyone got on great. You lived in a house where everybody respected each other, made sure you all cleaned up if there was a mess, and you all stuck to the rules.

You are a mature student and, I’m afraid, what has moved in recently is an immature one and she needs to be dealt with because this problem isn’t going away on its own.

The only thing I don’t know is what the couple who live with you think but they are working people and I’d imagine that they don’t want to come home to a dirty house or be woken up by people at 2.30 at night if they are working in the morning.

That said, they don’t have to share a bathroom with the person. The only thing that’s missing in that bathroom is the shit hitting the fan, and I think that is about to happen now.

Before we get into dealing with this person, it’s very important to say that you have rights as a tenant and the landlord can’t just throw you out in the street, so don’t be worrying about that. No matter how friendly her parents are with the landlord, it doesn’t matter.

So your position within the house is sound. Also, you seem to get along very well with the others, so I do think they will back you up. The truth is that you too have a good relationship with the landlord, you pay the rent on time, and you cause no trouble at all.

You are the ideal tenant, so the landlord will want you to stay. Landlords want the least hassle in their lives, so it’s this new student who needs to be very careful.

There are two ways you can deal with this — you can either call a meeting with her or you can get the landlord to deal with it. Because the rooms are rented individually, you can ask the landlord to sort it. If you call a meeting, you need to explain that she can’t leave the place in a mess.

The problem here is that she probably doesn’t even see the mess — therefore, it isn’t a problem for her. Mirror caked with toothpaste spray and hair-clogged drains are a step too far even for me.

So I’d take pictures and show them to her. Pull all the hair from the drain and leave it up on the sink near her makeup and show her what actually happens when you don’t clean this crap up, because if she didn’t know what happened, she’ll know from now on.

So all that needs to be spoken about in this conversation. You don’t have to do it in a mean way — it’s more like, ‘This is the reality and this is how it is affecting me.’

Now, she is in college and that’s a great time for people to start living, and being away from home for the first time can be exciting, and having friends over to your house is always fun and she is allowed to do this. You can’t stop it.

The fact that her friends went outside to smoke is a very good and considerate thing and we must look at it like that. You might let her know that the ‘smoking area’ is just outside your window and if they could move down a little that it would be great.

She also needs to know that leaving the place like a tip is not on and if there are people over, they need to be mindful that others in the house are getting up for work and college the following morning.

If you want, ask her if she knows when this is happening again and you can stay over in a friend’s place. I know it shouldn’t have to come to this but it might be helpful to you.

If you don’t get any satisfaction from this person and nothing changes and the landlord sides with her, what will you do? Stay there and be unhappy? These days, it’s not easy to find a place to rent.

It’s good to keep this at the back of your mind when having this chat. She is also young and it’s probably the first time she has had this freedom and had to do things on her own. She is learning — we were all there at some point.

I’d be firm and honest with her. Before you chat to her, it might be worth talking to the other housemates, just to make sure this all adds up.

The more I’m writing here, the more I think it will be all OK. When I started this, I had it in my head to just get her out. Maybe not so any more. Cool heads are always best in a situation like this.