Bernard O'Shea: 10 ways to work on your patience (because I'm the least patient person in Ireland)

From losing it over buffering Wi-Fi, to surviving queues without combusting, here's one impatient man’s guide to finding calm in chaos.

Bernard O'Shea, comedian.

In a dusty old classroom in the west of Ireland, the inaugural "PA" (Patience Anonymous) meeting has just started. 

A man in his mid-forties stands up and declares, "Hi, I'm Bernard, and I'm here to talk about my patience—something I've never had. If patience were a sport, I'd be the lad on the sidelines shouting at the ref for taking too long to blow the whistle. 

"I've often thought that the universe gave me red hair as a warning sign to others: I lose my mind if the Wi-Fi buffers, if someone takes too long at the car park validating machine, and waiting for my luggage at the airport is mental torture. 

"I only went first because I thought it was taking too long for the meeting to start."

But here's the thing: I'm trying. I don't want to be the guy beeping his horn in traffic while yelling, "Move it, lads, we're not laying blocks!" 

So, inspired by experts, science, and my glorious failures, I've put together 10 ways to work on patience. If you're like me and think queuing is a form of torture, this one's for you.

1. Reframe the Issue 

Picture this: you're waiting in a long line at the post office. My usual reaction? My internal rage is so fiery it could toast marshmallows. 

Instead, try this: see it as a chance to people-watch. You may spot a man arguing with the uneven size of an envelope (I've seen it). Reframing turns irritation into entertainment.

2. Mindfulness: Fancy Breathing for Regular Folks 

Apparently, mindfulness is the secret sauce to patience. Close your eyes, breathe deeply, and pretend you're a Zen master. 

I tried this once during a tantrum about a lost shoe (don't ask). It worked—mostly because my kids thought I was having a mini nervous breakdown and ran away in fear.

3. Practice Gratitude

 Next time you're frustrated, think about the good stuff. Like, "I'm stuck in traffic, but at least I'm not on the M50 at rush hour." 

Gratitude gives perspective—and makes you less likely to roll down the window and shout, "What are we doing with our lives?"

4. Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable

 Here's a challenge: resist scratching an itch. Why? Because enduring minor discomforts build your patience. 

I tried this once while wearing handmade woollen underpants in the Aran style that I knitted myself. 

By hour three I hadn’t scratched and I achieved an enlightened state. (This may or may not be true, but the essence of the point is solid advice) 

5. Laugh at Life's Nonsense

 My daughter once came downstairs wearing a tutu, cowboy boots, and a Viking helmet. Did it make us late? Yes. 

Did I get an earful from my wife as I dropped her off in to creche in it? Also yes. 

Sometimes, patience is about enjoying the madness.

6. Empathy: Walk a Mile in Someone Else's Shoes 

Before losing your temper, consider this: the person annoying you might be dealing with something heavy. Or they're just terrible at self-checkouts. Either way, give them a break. 

After all, we've all been there. (I'm actually biting my lip thinking about self-checkouts) 

7. Accept What You Can't Control 

Life is full of unchangeable things: queues, traffic, and train announcers talking faster than a cattle auctioneer. 

Instead of fighting it, embrace it. Bring a book. Zone out. Breathe deeply. It's not forever.

8. Slow Down 

When life feels rushed, ask yourself: Is this really urgent? Chances are, it's not. 

Slowing down can stop impatience in its tracks and save you from yelling at innocent inanimate objects (looking at you, printer).

9. Build Better Listening Skills

 Patience with others starts with listening—actually listening, not just waiting for your turn to talk. 

As a bonus, you'll be the most popular person at the dinner table.

10. Reward Yourself 

Being patient is hard work, so treat yourself when you succeed. 

After enduring a traffic jam without cursing, I buy myself a chocolate bar (a Fry's chocolate creme because my kids won't ask me for a piece). 

Positive reinforcement works on toddlers and middle-aged men alike.

Am I suddenly Ireland's patron saint of patience? Not at all. 

I'm still the guy who'd rather run a marathon than wait for toast. But I'm learning. And if I can pause, breathe, and laugh at life's absurdity, so can you. 

Just do me a small favour. When you are in a queue, STOP LOOKING OVER PEOPLE'S SHOULDERS!!!

Good luck out there. You'll need it.