Bernard O'Shea: Learning to stop complaining at Lanigan's Ball

Can ditching the complaints actually crank up your happiness?

Bernard O'Shea. Photograph Moya Nolan

Have you ever caught yourself in a loop of grumbling about everyday annoyances — perhaps the weather, the endless traffic, or writing letters to ham manufacturers that their ‘self-seal’ packages are useless? (Probably just me on that one) 

Fear not, my fellow whingers, you’re not alone.

Recently, I was lamenting over another trivial inconvenience. A spark of curiosity ignited within me. What would happen if I were to forego complaining entirely for a week?

Research from Stanford University shows that habitual complaining physically alters the brain, shrinking the hippocampus, an area crucial for cognitive functions and problem-solving. 

Further studies suggest that this constant negativity can foster similar neural pathways, making future complaining more likely and increasingly hostile. 

Our brain releases stress hormones when we complain that impact our neural connections, reinforcing negative thought patterns.

Those neural connections have been taking a hammering in our brains for thousands of years. 

The oldest known written complaint, the ‘Complaint tablet to Ea-nasir’ from 1750 BCE, details a dispute over copper quality. 

It’s clear that different cultures and eras have treated this behaviour with varying acceptance and disdain.

Stoic philosophers such as Marcus Aurelius and Epictetus viewed complaining as an unnecessary waste of energy. 

The famous quote attributed to Aurelius, “Don’t be overheard complaining … not even to yourself.” 

He followed it up with this one: “Everything that happens is either endurable or not. If it’s endurable, then endure it. Stop complaining.” 

Today, especially with the rise of social media, voicing dissatisfaction is often encouraged, creating communal bonds, increasing vanity metrics for digital marketers and spreading discontent.

After a thorough meander through the aforementioned social media platforms and Google, I decided to format a plan to implement a no-complaint week. 

I broke it down into the acronym G MASS. You can take the boy out of Catholicism, but you can’t take (you know the rest).

• Gratitude Practice: Daily reflections on things you’re grateful for can profoundly shift your perspective from negative to positive.
• Mental Preparation: Set a clear intention and mentally prepare for inevitable challenges.
• Awareness: Monitor and note each instance of complaining.
• Substitution: Replace complaints with positive affirmations or constructive comments.
• Solution Orientation: Instead of dwelling on problems, think about possible solutions.

During my no-complaint week, I faced a real test when my youngest woke me several times in one night only to have to get up at 6am the next morning to make a three-hour car journey to Dublin. 

I kept telling my beloved hippocampus to head down Gratitude Street and not want to scream out the window on the M50. Of course, I hit the worst traffic recorded since the invention of the internal expulsion engine and was late for my meeting. 

Still, I felt I would mentally implode, so I tried the substitution of my masterplan and repeated, “You will really enjoy the coffee you are going to buy in the petrol station on the way home”. That didn’t work nor did the ‘solution orientation’.

Instead, I ditched my G MASS and kept singing to myself, “Stop, stop fucking complaining”, to the air of ‘Lanigans Ball’, and it worked!

It’s funny how much energy we waste on things that don’t deserve our attention. 

As I navigated through my week without complaining, I realised the sky didn’t fall when I didn’t mutter darkly about the weather, and the traffic didn’t get worse when I listened to a podcast instead of grumbling about the congestion.

The outcomes of my no-complaint week were honestly enlightening. Not only did I feel a significant reduction in stress and an increase in overall happiness, but my interactions with others also became more positive, and it seemed my improved mood was contagious. 

This experiment not only reaffirmed the wisdom of Marcus Aurelius but also underscored the power of mastering one’s reactions to what can seem like a canopy of consistent annoying circumstances.

So, the next time you feel like complaining, remember ‘Lanigans Ball’. One small caveat: It can be a very annoying tune to get out of your head, so don’t complain to me about it.