Diary of a Gen Z Student: Awkward questions such as 'who's footing the bill?'

Admittedly, I was only in 'holy God’s pocket' then so I have to trust what my elders have told me but dating was probably simpler in my parents' day

Jane Cowan: "Speaking from my heterosexual perspective, there’s less pressure now for the guy to initiate that first date. Lots of girls are happy to take the reins." Picture:Barry Cronin

So, there I am. Hair freshly styled. Makeup carefully applied. Coffee cup empty. Trying to figure out if a second date could be on the table. Then, as if the whole scenario of a first date isn’t awkward enough, the waiter drops over the bill for two coffees. And an important question is asked: Who is footing the bill?

In my parents’ day, the answer to this was probably simpler than it is for today’s Gen Z students. The role of the man was fairly straightforward. He probably did the asking. If he was a gentleman, he probably picked the location. And if every other dating norm was being adhered to, he’d take care of the bill too. That simply fell under his jurisdiction. And if I’ve learned one thing from them, gender roles were particularly rigid when it came to dating. Admittedly, I was only in 'holy God’s pocket' then so I have to trust what my elders have told me.

But it’s 2024. We’re all feminists around here (I hope). And navigating that first date can be a minefield. Because we don’t take gender roles for granted anymore. We’ve got more factors to consider.

Speaking from my heterosexual perspective, there’s less pressure now for the guy to initiate that first date. Lots of girls are happy to take the reins. Though it is certainly rarer that girls make the opening gambit. If I’m honest, I think it’s nice to see the lads show a bit of initiative for that first date. I’ll wait for him to ask me. Sure, once we get onto second and third dates, the responsibility can be shared by both parties. But the first date sets the tone for what’s to come. And it goes a long way for the guy to move first. What can I say? I enjoy the chase! Sue me.

So, here’s my hot take for that crucial moment when the bill arrives at the table: I think it’s nice for the guy to pay on the first date. Now, I’m not totally unreasonable about it. We’re in college, I know people don’t have money to burn. I’m not asking to be wined and dined in Chapter One. Especially when most students are on minimum wage. But first dates in college don’t tend to be a massive event. Usually, coffee or a drink. And I’ll always offer to split it.

All I’m saying is, if a guy asked me to Revolut him €3.50 for my Americano, a 'minor family emergency' may prevent me from going on that second date. Especially if he asked me to go for the coffee in the first place. You’d be amazed how many times my great uncle Ralph has suddenly taken a fall, considering I’ve never met a Ralph before.

I have consulted with experts (fellow college students) on this topic. We concluded that the person who did the asking should be willing to pick up the bill. That person tends to be the guy, in my experience. After the first date, we can 'go Dutch'. I’m progressive in that way, I guess.

It’s funny really, I’m very modern about most things. Someone expecting me to stay home and raise kids? Nightmare fuel. But when it comes to dating, I like the old fashioned stuff. Hold the door open for me. Pick up the bill. Throw your jacket over that puddle to protect my delicate feet. I don’t care if the puddle is on Abbey Street, probably consisting more of bodily fluid than water. Be a gent, sacrifice your jacket. It’s called chivalry. You wouldn’t want me to catch a chill, would you?

There’s something nice about the traditional approach. It restores some of my faith in the modern man. And considering that so many of them have an insatiable need to share unsolicited images of things that not even a mother could love. It’s no surprise that my faith could do with a bit of restoration.

Look, it’s fairly overt that the bar is on the floor when it comes to modern dating. Tinder and Hinge, cemented that fact a long time ago. On the (dimly lit) bright side, the only way is up. And the bill is a great place to start. Don’t shoot the messenger. I know it’s tough out there, but it’d be a lot easier if you didn’t ask me to Revolut you €3.50 as you lean in for a goodbye kiss.