Amy De Bhrún: 'This was a moment where it felt like if I don't speak now, I'll regret it'

‘My proudest achievement was the speech at the March for Maternity, which is really a very weird thing for someone to say as a very ambitious actor'

Sat, 02 Sep, 2023 - 02:00

Mary Cate Smith

My dad was a bookie. He had a betting shop so it was a bit unusual. My mum was a drama teacher so it definitely filtered down for sure. I have four sisters.

I used to perform little scenes from Annie in corners of the house. From a very early age, I was living in that imaginary world of play-acting.

I was born with a strong sense of self. I was quiet but very clear on where I wanted to go and what I wanted to be.

Being brought up by a lot of women shapes you into knowing your voice and not being afraid of who you are.

I remember that year between leaving school and dropping out of Trinity and then trying to find a drama school. That was quite a notable challenge. It was a very ‘make or break’ moment in my life.

There weren't many opportunities for acting courses in Dublin at the time that weren’t solely academic. I ended up doing English studies. I'm thinking ‘I’ll do a drama group on the side’ and I just realized, ‘this is absolutely not for me.’

My mum was like; ‘if you don't like it, if it’s making you sad, if it's making you sick, just leave and do something else.’

I went from this cocoon and the safety of school, assuming I could walk into the world and be an actor to realising that doors will shut in your face.

The many rejections I got from drama schools, I realised — the more I let them wash over me — that set me up for life.

Funnily enough, I have to say my proudest achievement was the speech at the March for Maternity, which is really a very weird thing for someone to say as a very ambitious actor. There was something about having only given birth to my second child two weeks before and standing out there and feeling like I was speaking for a whole group of women who were in a similar position and maybe didn't have the voice to articulate it.

I was never compelled to stand up and really campaign for something before. I would always voice my opinion but I would try not to kind of cause too much controversy, whereas this was a moment where it felt like, if I don't speak now, I'll regret this. There was a whole generation of women that were affected by this and I felt like I could really help. There's great power after giving birth.

My greatest quality is the sweet spot between my tenacity and resilience.

In the last couple of years, I've pretty much worked back to back with big roles, on big shoots, and long hours. My resilience has stood to me, particularly with small children.

Not much bothers me or affects me any more. If I don't get a part, I always have a positive outlook on it.

I'm so lucky to have my mother because so many people don’t, especially as you get older. I always go to my mum for an honest opinion; she’s a beacon of information and light.

My husband is a very kind person. He has taught me a lot and about how important that is and how much good energy that puts out into the world.

When I was younger, starting out in the industry, I would hang on to a lot of things or the possibility of a job. I’d be going over something again and again in my head. The greatest life lesson for me was letting things go and seeing what comes back. Rather than constantly trying to swim upstream and fight everything, let it go and see what comes back. Trust that you've put in enough work.

You don't always have to be pushing; I would have been a dreadful pusher in my 20s.

I'm so grateful for where I am now. I'm in my late 30s and the roles I'm being offered are interesting and complex. Particularly in the last few years, what I've just been loving is that for so long it was just ‘the wife of,’ an extension of the man. There are so many more roles now for women. We could always do more but definitely, the industry has moved forward.

There’s not a thing I’d change [from my past]. It all shapes you.

I don't have any regrets. I'd love to bring my kids up the same way. Your regrets will kill you; they’re poison. I'm proud of who I've become, particularly over the last 20 years of adulthood.

I find climate change very overwhelming. I do the normal things that everyone does, you know, recycling and trying to be more mindful. Even on a small level, the ripples with [avoiding] fast fashion and buying secondhand clothes or investing in ethical brands help.

What surprises me are kids, my children. It’s amazing that you create these people, you carry them for nine months and then they just go into the world and they're their own people.

You have to literally step aside and let them be — you guide them, for sure but they actually have their own little personalities.

Amusement park rides, anything like that scares me. I was the kid who was 13 years old and still doing teacups. I just feel; ‘why would you put yourself in unnecessary danger?’ I get no thrill from it whatsoever.

There’s another version of myself where I might be still living in London or I might not have met my husband. I feel like by even envisaging that, I'd be hoping something was different and I'm quite happy with how my life has been so far.