Sinéad Brady on how to quit living to work and reset your work/life balance

Sinead Brady is on a mission. In her new book, the career psychologist tells us how to quit living to work – and start working to live.

Sinéad Brady: "There are a lot of myths that drive our world of work." Pic: iStock

A tweet that went viral recently pondered what life was like before the advent of email: “Wait, how did jobs work before email… like did you just get home from work and… work was over?” 

It certainly hit home with a large number of people, presumably those who have never known what it is like to be completely switched off from work. As someone who entered the workforce when email was still in its infancy, I had many happy years when the division was clear — work was work, and home was home. 

It was a world far removed from the one we have now, where people are always available, unable to shut the metaphorical door on work. It is just one of the many elements of work that we need to rethink, says career psychologist Sinéad Brady — her new book Total Reset explores how we can quit living to work, and start working to live. She challenges the defining idea of our times that work and our careers should take precedence over everything else in our lives.

“There are a lot of myths that drive our world of work,” she says. “We are so busy trying to work and have a career that we don’t actually realise that a lot of it is built on these myths, and that is what is driving the sense of dissatisfaction, discontent, and disconnect that many of us have with our careers. There is a narrative out there of ‘let’s fix anybody who doesn’t fit into the current world of work’ — but the reality is we don’t need to fix the people, we need to fix the system. So that is really where this book came from. 

"There is this strong prevailing logic to keep doing more, to keep leaning into a system that is broken. I want people to take a step back and think: ‘Actually, you know what, I’m just spending all my life working and I’m not getting to actually enjoy life.’”

In the book, she challenges myths such as that of the linear career (that your CV should not have any gaps or time out of paid employment); that gender bias doesn’t exist anymore; or that with age comes cognitive and career decline.

Brady’s own career has taken many twists and turns. She has four children and has experienced the so-called ‘mommy track’, where women are penalised for seeking flexible hours to accommodate childcare responsibilities. 

It is something which has given her a valuable perspective on how to make our jobs fit into our lives, rather than the other way around. 

Sinéad Brady: "This notion that you must choose your path at 16, 17, or 18, and that then is the path for the remainder of your career is wrong and is unfair"

After initially training to be a lawyer, she decided that it was not the career for her. She says that we often find ourselves following a particular career path because of certain expectations or outside influences.

“There were two reasons why I chose to be a lawyer,” she says. “My granny, who I adored, felt being a lawyer was the job I should do. Then Ally McBeal [the hugely successful US television show about a female lawyer] happened to be on our screens at the time — that is the reality of how I chose my career. I liked the way that people reacted when I told them that was what I was going to do ... I grew up doing the right thing all of the time and people’s reaction to me was important to me.”

When she decided not to pursue law, Brady says she was left “at sea”.

She ended up going back to her old school as a substitute teacher, which led her to do a Master's in education in guidance and counselling.

Brady says that we need to educate children about the workplace and careers from an early age — one hour a week of career guidance in secondary school, if they even get that, is not enough.

“I came from rural Ireland to college, I did not know what a milk round or a graduate training programme was,” she says. “I thought my only option in terms of education was to be a teacher — I had no idea what was happening in the wider world of work.

“We need rigorous education for our children, we need to talk to them when they are beginning to pick up biases and see themselves in particular roles at around age six. That is when education needs to start. This notion that you must choose your path at 16, 17, or 18, and that then is the path for the remainder of your career is wrong and is unfair on children.”

TOXIC OVERWHELM

The world of employment has shifted hugely in recent decades, and while it takes courage to opt out of the mindset of what Brady terms the ‘ideal worker’, there is a downside to seeking flexibility and freedom outside the traditional workplace, such as in the gig economy.

“We have these other ways of performing our careers, but we also need stability,” she says. “If you choose to go into the gig economy or work as a consultant, that is not the answer to all the problems in our workplaces. Being self-employed can be quite precarious, depending on the industry you are in. Think about the ways you can protect yourself financially, pay the rent or mortgage, put food on the table, and advance your career and perform it in a way that allows you to be engaged with it.”

Brady points to the personal and professional ‘non-negotiables’ when it comes to navigating your career path — we should not be sacrificing basic elements crucial to our wellbeing for our work.

“Your work shouldn’t be so invasive in your life that you are unable to sleep, to eat, and to spend time with the people who make you smile,” she says.

“There is this toxic overwhelm that we are being exposed to, where it has become almost natural to be overwhelmed — it is not.”

Sinéad Brady: "I do think we are at a tipping point where people are saying: ‘Enough, we need change’."

She says that employers need to engage in a healthy conversation with workers to find the best way forward for them.

“Workplaces and organisations have to be more open to this conversation about what work pattern works for you in this season of your life,” she says. “There will be ebbs and flows of that tempo of what you can give and how you can give it. This ideal worker who is always available, who is always on, who is willing to drop anything at a whim, to move locations — yes, that is brilliant for business in the short-term. But you then have a workplace where people are burnt out, stressed out, overwhelmed, and disengaged. If workplaces continue to be OK with that, they will lose their best people. People are not willing anymore to maintain this pace.”

The pandemic and the shift to working from home has been instrumental in changing people’s mindset around flexible working.

“There has been a massive ideological shift — we were told that the majority of professional jobs in particular could not be done remotely, that they had to be done in an office. As a result, flexibility wasn’t an option. Then, overnight, once it was in the best interests of the business, it could be done and was done. Organisations that are going: ‘OK, how can we manage and navigate this?’, they are the ones that are going to absolutely thrive. I know people that have left roles when they are told they have to come back to the office. They have moved location and said: ‘Do you know what, I don’t need that amount of money, because I can have a different life in a different location working differently. I don’t want to have to play this game by those rules anymore’. I do think we are at a tipping point where people are saying: ‘Enough, we need change’.”

• Total Reset, by Sinéad Brady, published by Harper Collins Ireland, is out on March 30.

WHAT DOES SUCCESS MEAN?

What would success look like in my life, work, and career during this season of my life? Here are some questions to start you off:

• What would I have more time for?
• What would I have less time for?
• What strengths would I get to use?
• What skills and expertise would I exercise?
• What would motivate, engage, and fulfil me?
• What would my workday look like, eg remote work, flexi-time, a short commute, or more travel?
• How much money would I earn?
• What would I say no to that I currently say yes to?
• What people currently in my life would I choose not to engage with any more?