Too Hot to Handle's Nicole O'Brien: 'I've learned to stop being a people-pleaser'

Nicole O'Brien: "The life lesson I would like to pass on is to do what makes you happy, not what makes others happy because then you’re essentially living your life for the entertainment and happiness of other people."

I’m from Inishannon in Cork. I’ve two sisters, we’re a family of five. It was all music in my house. If you asked me to hit a sliotar, I couldn’t tell you how to do it. I definitely think I was born to be the person I am meant to be. I’ve always had one specific dream: To be a singer. I’ve always been driven. I didn’t want to let anything stop me from pursuing that vision.

I was in a good few stage schools growing up from the age of four to 18 - CADA and the Sarah Callanan School of Dance.

The greatest challenge I’ve faced was transitioning from normal everyday life to being known so quickly — and to having a following. And everyone knowing your business. I’m very open and I don’t mind that anymore. But it was a severe shock because we were told not to expect the Netflix show I was on to be that big.

I never struggled with mental health issues before the show and now I have anxiety. It’s not as bad as it was but when the show first came out, I had major anxiety. I was feeling depressed and I couldn’t figure out why but I think it was just such a different world to what I was used to.

I don’t care what people think of me anymore. But in terms of your day-to-day life, I was used to getting up at seven and going into work because that’s how I was paying my bills. Now, every day is different. I was doing sales and marketing for a beauty magazine but I’m really not made for a nine-to-five. I can’t sit still for a long period of time either.

My proudest achievement was when my last three singles were number one on the iTunes charts and the second one was number four in the club charts in the UK. That was very emotional for me.

My greatest quality is that I’m very sociable. I’m a nice person but sometimes that gets taken for a weakness. People took the piss with me in the past and have taken advantage of different things because I can be quite naive. I’m not anymore.

The person I turn to most is my friend Chloe [Veitch] who was on Too Hot to Handle with me. We live together in London and she’s like a sister to me. She’s come back to Cork loads with me and met my family.

The life lesson I would like to pass on is to do what makes you happy, not what makes others happy because then you’re essentially living your life for the entertainment and happiness of other people. I’ve done that for years and if you look back on it, it’s just a waste of time. Figure out what you like doing and the right people will be attracted to you.

At the start of this whole thing, I would be invited to events left, right, and centre — and I still am. Back then, I would go to every single event because I would want to support everyone but I would completely burn myself out. Now, I’m quite selective with things I go to. I’ve learned to stop being a people pleaser and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been by doing that.

Nicole O'Brien: "I'd like to be remembered as the life of the party"

The greatest advice I’ve ever been given is to not compare yourself to anyone else. Stay in your own lane, because otherwise you’re going to divert your journey. What you see on social media is probably fake or at least half of it is.

I’d like to be remembered by being selfless and being the life of the party — and just an all-around creative, fun human.

If I could change something from my past it would be how I acted with this guy I was dating. I was head over heels and I did not play cool. I would fall at their feet. I would do anything. After I got with him the first time, I went from Dublin to London on the Gatwick express train and ordered him doughnuts to his hotel room. That’s so embarrassing. We were on-again off-again for four years, but it was just never going to work. Now, I expect certain standards.

Climate change has impacted how I live my life. I don’t wear any leather. I have a fashion brand called Agenda. We actually launched it back in August but I sent it back to the supplier to make it more sustainable and environmentally friendly. That’s going to relaunch in a few months.

I would say singing is my greatest skill and other than that, I am a grafter. Everything in my life that I have wanted, I have gotten but only through hard work and graft. I’ve literally pinpointed what I needed to do to get to these points. And obviously there’s so much more I want to do. I won’t be settling down until I achieve my goals. My mam would be very annoyed at me saying that.

When I’m with a guy, I get distracted. Maybe I just haven’t met the right person but I don’t want any distractions over the next two years. But having said that, obviously I do want a boyfriend. I mean, I am 27. That’s if the right person comes along who is kind, career-driven and isn’t depending on me to be with them every day and night. I’m taking applications. So, men in their mid- to late 30s, DM me on Instagram, right?

What surprises me in life is people who go online to give out hate to other people. That is so mind-boggling. I was going through my DMs about five minutes ago and someone just said: “You’re a waste of space. You’re useless.” I just don’t understand. I don’t give a shit. That — honestly — that does not bother me at all.

The future scares me. I’m a planner and a bit of a control freak. I love knowing what’s going to happen. That’s why I go to psychics.

If I took a different fork in the road, I probably would have done events — something really sociable anyway. I’m happy with where I am.

• Nicole O’Brien’s new single in collaboration with Marty Guilfoyle, a cover of Kylie’s ‘Love at First Sight’ is out now.