Jason Byrne: 'Because of what I’ve been through, none of this s**t scares me anymore'

This Much I Know: "I don’t think anybody’s ‘born’ to be the person they are – it literally is the decisions you make."

Sat, 03 Dec, 2022 - 21:00

Mary Cate Smith

I grew up in Ballinteer. Just to tell you how much of a bubble it was, I’d never heard of The Five Lamps. I used to work with PJ Gallagher back when we were in ‘proper jobs’ and he said – you know the joke – ‘Jason, do you know The Five Lamps?’ And I was supposed to say ‘yeah’ and he’d say ‘well, hang your b*llocks off them’ but it didn’t land because I’d never heard of them.

I had the best childhood ever. We had a big green in front of our house and we were out all the time. We were able to go up the mountains to Ticknock. We set things on fire. We nearly killed ourselves doing all sorts of mad shit. Three swings snapped on me. I wasn’t accident-prone but I was one of those nervous kids who just wouldn’t do things properly.

In the morning it was really cute because we would come out of our houses and walk to school and as we passed by each house, another kid would join. I remember my brother, Eric coming up to me in school asking if was I alright – he probably wanted to dig me in the head – but he made sure I was okay.

My earliest memory is being in creche at about the age of four. I remember my mother bringing me in and sitting me down in the sandpit. She just threw me in there with me little glasses across from another kid screaming his head off. I knew him his whole life and he was always a whingey b*stard.

I don’t think anybody’s ‘born’ to be the person they are – it literally is the decisions you make. I was always meant to do a sociable type of job and that’s how I was raised. I wasn’t born into the Ming Dynasty. They weren’t holding me up in the Coombe Hospital saying “behold such greatness”.

There were always people in my house. I got confidence very quick. It was at ease with adults from a young age and I worked in a pub at 15.

I can’t operate within a group. That’s why I’ve never done loads of panel shows. My brain just shuts down. I have to be in my own world and that’s why I never have a support act.

My dad died two and a half years ago, he was nearly 81. He always sat in the shed at the back garden. I’d call him The Paddy Lama because he always had great advice. Somebody said “why don’t you write a one-hour play about your dad for Edinburgh?”

I wrote the play and it’s about him dying but it’s also about the funny stories too – from my mam and my sister’s memories of him. He hated moaning and he never wanted anyone crying over him. The director was Feidlim Cannon from Brokentalkers – it’s the thing I’m most proud of.

When people come to see me in my shows, they say, ‘look, we know you pick on people but you’re never horrible to them.’ People have said that I’d make a great paediatrician.

When I left school, my parents said ‘you’re not going to college. We can’t afford that.’ I always put people at ease and people tell me stuff that I didn’t even ask. Maybe I could have been a psychotherapist.

I don’t turn to a lot of people for help. I’m in therapy and my therapist always gives out and tells me to stop minding people. There’s no holds barred in therapy. My partner, Tracy, is brilliant. I unload doing exercise too. I drive over to Portmarnock beach – it’s the best place for running. I had five stents put in a year ago [and another one recently].

The life lesson I’d like to pass on is – I always loved this phrase – is to ‘never say yes unless you have the permission to say no.’ In Ireland, we are diseased with that word, ‘yes’.

I want to be remembered as someone who worked really hard and tried my best all the time. Even when I got my five stents, I wanted to move forward as opposed to sitting in and corroding away and crying about Covid. I started doing live shows from my toilet.

Because I’ve had a few health scares, I don’t give a f*ck about my past. I’ve watched my dad die and that really changed things. I was holding his hand in the hospital. And then we’re worried about bills? But that’s fair enough too.

I was always pretty good about climate change. I’m not an activist or anything like it but I do recycle and the house I built is eco-friendly.

Sometimes I don’t praise myself enough but I suppose my stand-up is my greatest skill. I can think quite quickly on my feet. Sometimes, when I say something on stage, the reason why I laugh is because I’ve amazed myself by what I just said.

The majority of people in the world are good but there are a handful of nasty people – it still surprises me. There’s no point getting stressed over that because you can’t control other people’s actions or words.

Because of what I’ve been through, none of this shit scares me anymore. But I suppose just the security of my children’s future does. I worry about my mum and my sisters and everyone who is close to me.

I always wanted to manage a big hotel in New York, one that overlooked the city. I would have been brilliant at that because I’m good at organising and moving people around. That’s kind of what I do on stage – I manage the room. So, that would have been ideal. If I took a different fork in the road, it would be hotel manager or paediatrician.