Losing my libido: Is my mental health affecting my sex drive?
Some medications used for treament of mental health conditions can have sexual dysfunction as a side effect, reducing or even banishing entirely libido and sexual desire.
Sex is not everything, yet we can’t deny the importance of intimacy in our lives. It provides and builds on connection, love, and respect in our intimate relationships, raises our self-esteem and confidence, even decreases stress, and lowers our heart rate and blood pressure. And it’s fun, thrilling, and exciting, but despite the obvious benefits, there are likely to be periods in our relationships and lives when sex is not something we want or need. Exhaustion, stress, an unsteady work/life balance, poor sleep, relationship issues, technology addiction, and struggling with our mental health can all play a part in whether sex even crosses our mind.
“There’s no need or want for intimacy. It’s just gone,” says Meggan O’Reilly, who found her mental health acutely affected her libido and desire to have a sex life with her long-term partner. A low or vanishing sex drive is not unusual when it comes to balancing our mental wellbeing with a conventional libido. There is nothing predictable about our mental health and so our sexual relationships can take a hit when times are difficult.
Orlagh Reid ( www.orlaghreid.com), an accredited IACP Psychotherapist who works privately with addiction and sexology problems, says:
“Libido and sexual desire are influenced by biological, psychological, and social factors including relational health. It is common to experience diminished desire and disinterest in sex when suffering from mental health conditions and prolonged periods of stress.”
Reid suggests that there are broad-ranging factors that can influence reduced libido and sexual problems including mental health problems, medications, hormonal contraceptives which have related side effects, stress, and alcohol consumption all impact on sexual functioning and responses. Added to this is the pull of technology, its addictive nature, and the effect it can have on our relationships with others and ourselves.
"We can see all around us that tech such as smartphones and tablets unconsciously consume much of our attention,” says Reid. “This constant mental and psychological distraction means couples can miss opportunities and everyday subtle bids and interactions for connection with each other. These interactions ultimately help maintain the emotional connection and romantic attachment bonds, which lead to sexual intimacy.”
Reid says that tech when used in excess, essentially powers down our capacity for physical human connection and interaction in any given moment while social media contributes to mental health problems. Mental fatigue and exposure to continually stimulating and triggering content can affect many aspects of our lives including our self-esteem, self-worth, mental health, and potentially our libido.
For many of us who find ourselves with wavering mental wellbeing, sex is not the priority it once was. And with unexpected side-effects of mental health medications, we may find ourselves on a completely different playing field.
Ciara Ni Dhubhlaing, Chief Pharmacist in St Patrick’s Mental Health Services and the Immediate Past President of the College of Mental Health Pharmacy, says:
“Libido is a multifactorial issue involving a complex interplay of psychological, emotional, and physical factors. Both mental and physical health conditions, particularly those with hormonal or neurological involvement, can impact sexual health and sometimes co-occurring mental and physical health issues can make it more difficult to identify which is having the predominant effect. Mental health symptoms such as low mood, lack of motivation, and distressing thoughts commonly impact libido. Embarrassment or discomfort in discussing sexual symptoms can mean such symptoms go untreated and impact the person's quality of life and therefore, their mental health.”
This unanticipated side-effect of medication for O’Reilly created a barrier when it came to sexual desire over the last five years.
“Before taking medication, I was aroused by certain things or by my partner,” she says.
“I was excited and looked forward to being intimate. There were no issues. It was completely natural. Now, nothing gets me excited. Medication was a massive factor as to why my sex drive was completely non-existent. It numbed out all feelings of pleasure.
“Some medications used for the treatment of mental health conditions can have sexual dysfunction as a side-effect,” says Ni Dhubhlaing.
“The nature and severity of the side effect varies with the medication, the dose, and the individual. Many people have little or no adverse effects whilst others may need to try a few medications before they find the one best suited to them. Even people taking the same medication and dose can have different experiences of side effects and benefits which is why it is important to discuss all side effects with the treating team. Usually, we can easily make a dose adjustment or switch the medication to one which suits someone better.”
Depression can also lead to a complicated relationship with how we view ourselves. We may struggle with seeing ourselves in the way our partner does, be unable to adequately talk about how we feel, and struggle to communicate our concerns and worries surrounding our sexual self-esteem and low libido. All of these things can create distance in our partnerships.
“Not only was there no spark or attraction to my partner or desire for sex, but there was also no attraction for myself either, “says O’Reilly.
“What people don’t realise is that when you take some medications you are prone to gain weight, and that’s exactly what happened to me. Because of this, the perspective I had of myself changed. I didn’t view myself as ‘pretty’ or attractive anymore and therefore felt as though my partner would not see me this way also. This resulted in me having no desire for intimacy.”
Reid encourages people to avoid being judgmental or critical of themselves when it comes to sexual desire and to give plenty of time and patience to focus on improving sexual well-being and sexual self-esteem.
“The immediate focus for clients is often to ‘fix’ their low libido,” says Reid, “You are not broken and do not need to be fixed. What you are experiencing is likely perfectly normal because libido does fluctuate. Rather than seeking the anticipated fix, we can explore the problem from a wider holistic perspective, educate and discuss sexual wellbeing and the characteristics of a sexually healthy adult. These insights can be powerful."
“If you want to address concerns about low libido,” she says, “it is best to explore the problem with a broad holistic perspective which also includes lifestyle and relational health, attitudes towards sex and sexual self-esteem, improving total wellbeing and looking at external factors which may be interfering with sex and intimacy.
"If technology is getting in the way, power down the devices more often and experience the real world around you. There is a tendency for clients, particularly women to measure libido by their desire to have sexual intimacy with a partner. In therapy, we explore libido from a broader sexual wellbeing perspective and the client’s relationship with their sexual self.”
Ni Dhubhlaing adds, “Management strategies will depend on the underlying cause. If sexual dysfunction is associated with the person’s experience of poor mental health, it should improve with recovery. If it is related to the medication, then changing the timing, dose, or medication can help to resolve the issue. If that is not practical, there are treatments that can be used whilst continuing to take medication. The key message for people experiencing sexual dysfunction is not to suffer in silence.”
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