Bernard O'Shea: Don't dab fancy French perfume on your neck - spray your insoles for big results

Smitten by smells even before he was wet behind the ears, Bernard knows the value of a dab of Obsession. But it's his revelation about shoe insoles that will get right up your nose...

Bernard O'Shea's childhood notions about scent were a bit more Kevin Kline than Calvin Klein but he's long since moved on from the Brut and Lynx. Picture: Moya Nolan

The very first time I used aftershave, I was eleven. In time-honoured tradition, it was a bottle of Brut my father had in the medicine cabinet.

I remember thinking, “Why is this bottle so small?” Growing up, I was obsessed with watching US sitcoms and was bewildered as to why men reacted with bizarre pain when they applied aftershave to their faces before a big date, and why the audience laughed so hard at it. Remember that I didn’t realise that you had to shave first to get the burning effect and that the laughter was canned.