Bernard O'Shea: How can I stop snoring? 

Why have I started to snore at age 43? Is it because I'm overweight? 

Bernard O'Shea: I've started snoring, my wife isn't impressed.

“I don’t snore.”

“Yes, you do.”

“I’d know if I snored.”

“How? You are asleep!”

This is the conversation I had with my wife almost two months ago. I “apparently” have started to snore. The thing is, my wife snores too sometimes. I thought she was the only snorer in the house. Then along came our kids, and depending on what bug they had licked off the ground or how active their day was, they snore too. But I can categorically state that I DON’T SNORE.

So unbeknownst to me, my wife started to make a Netflix documentary about my newly-found night-time raspatory ailment. It was called “The Snorer”. The Netflix copywriters called it “the most mind-twisting heart-pounding nasal trumpeting mystery ever made”. It didn’t get made. However, she did use her phone to record me in the act. She showed me the evidence, albeit poorly lit with little to no cinematography or direction. Just me snoring away happily conked out, spooning half the duvet and two pillows.

Why had I started to snore at 43 years of age? I suffer from many things when I sleep. For instance, I get something called sleep paralysis. I wake up and cannot breathe, open my eyes or move. It's terrifying. It feels like you are being smothered, but I always snap out of it. My family is constantly telling me to get it checked out, but here's the thing -  it doesn't ruin anyone else's sleep. It's terrifying but silent.

The HSE website says that snoring can be caused by “things such as your tongue, mouth, throat or airways in your nose vibrating as you breathe. These body parts relax and narrow when you're asleep”. But why is this happening now? The answer may lie (pardon the terrible pun) in part two of their answer:

“You're more likely to snore if you are overweight, smoke, drink too much alcohol, sleep on your back.”

I don’t smoke, I used to be fantastic at knocking back the pints, but I rarely have a drink these days; I most definitely sleep on my side, not on my back, but I am overweight. I have been overweight for years now and have tried every diet and trend. I know deep down that putting fewer Tunnocks tea cakes into my mouth and moving a bit more works, but that’s way too difficult and boring even if it stops my snoring. Not alone was I snoring, but I was told that I was also “very loud". I can fully understand how people get frustrated, especially when they are kept awake by someone getting all the zzs.

Why had I started to snore at 43 years of age?

Twenty years ago, I worked in Dublin’s City Centre pub. One of the bar staff moved into the box room of a 3-bed in Dublin in a traditional brick terrace house on a narrow little lane. He shared the house with two other men. He had met them briefly and found them, decent, pleasant lads. However, things got loud that night. No parties, just snore wars. The two of them snored. He said it was like wild boars talking to each other in the forest. The two of them got so loud that the next-door neighbour knocked on the door one night and asked him to do something about it. He explained to him that he couldn't sleep either. One night after work, he said to me, I’ll never forget that poor man’s sleep-deprived words: "I’ve lived here and have never once had to complain about anyone on this street. Even if I wanted to, what am I supposed to do? Call the Guards and say, 'here are two fellas snoring too loud next door?'” He lasted three weeks in that house until he was so exhausted that he couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t bring himself to tell the two lads why he was moving out.

There are several contraptions you can buy. The biggest and cheapest option is the plethora of nasal plugs that open your nostril airways. I didn’t even contemplate buying one of them as I can barely sleep with the blankets on me, never let alone a nose plug. There is a device called “Snoreezy,” which you strap onto your wrist and it “sends gentle impulses when snoring is detected”. It’s like a massive apple watch using haptic style feedback when it hears the snores. In extreme cases, some people opt for a surgical procedure called Somnoplasty. “A minimally invasive procedure to reduce the soft tissue in the upper airway or back of the throat. 

Tonsillectomy and adenoidectomy: Removing the tonsils and adenoids may be needed to prevent snoring, says www.webmd.com. There are also CPAP machines that stand for continuous positive airway pressure. A CPAP machine “generates a constant stream of pressurized air that travels through an air filter into a flexible tube. This tube delivers purified air into a mask that’s sealed around your nose or mouth", according to www.healthline.com

My snoring was moderate and occasional but still massively disruptive. “I’m sorry,” I told her, “I can’t help it.” 

“Oh, like my sneezing?” My wife takes sneezing fits. Once I said to her in a mock “look into my eyes, not around the eyes” hypnotist way, “stop sneezing,” and it worked. Then every time her sneezing fits would start, I’d say, “stop sneezing". Every time it happens now, she points at me: “don’t even think about it”. A few nights ago, I woke to her perched over me, and said, “STOP SNORING”. She said it worked. Of course, it worked. I was awake for the rest of the night.

But something did work. I started taking my shower before bed instead of when I got up. Last year writing for this paper, I eulogized my showering experience during the lockdown and turned the downstairs shower into my spa. I came across an article on sciencedaily.com that spoke about how bathing in hot water can aid sleep for adults. Whether it opened up my airways or calmed me down, a quick hot shower before bed worked. The only problem now is:

“The water pump is too loud at night.”

“It helps me sleep and stops the snoring.”

“Well, Bernard, as you always say to me, JUST STOP SNORING.”