Bernard O'Shea: I washed my hair with washing up liquid and ended up like Sideshow Bob

Did you know that some of the most glamorous people and beauty bloggers wash their hair with washing up liquid? Bernard O'Shea didn't, but he did it anyway.

Thu, 27 Jan, 2022 - 11:30

Did you know that some of the most glamorous people and beauty bloggers wash their hair with washing up liquid? I didn't, but I did it anyway.

Mostly I go about my homemade experiments with a plan. I'll decide a few weeks in advance what I'm going to try. For instance, last year, I made my own deodorant for this column. I had to order beeswax and lemon oil which took a week to arrive then I had to figure out how to make it. By the time the photographer arrived at the house to take the accompanying photo, I had written it three weeks previously. Likewise, I wore my jeans for two months every day without washing them. I know it sounds the height of laziness, but I had to plan it. I took notes over the eights weeks as well.

I try as much as I can to give my little misadventures as much time as I can. So it's rare when one of the online fads I decide to try just falls on my lap without any conscious thinking or planning behind it.

Firstly a confession. I usually spend a couple of hours at the weekend working. I go out to the shed on Saturday Nights and type furiously with my frozen fingers. Just in case one of the kids get sick, or something pops up during the week, I can be a bit ahead of myself. Not so much last weekend. I ashamedly spent my time binge-watching "Ozark".

I should have been researching the benefits of cherry extract and tart cherry juice as I have recently gulped down all things from the prunus family. However, Sunday night rolled on into town. Instead of doing my homework, I once again headed to the American mid-west courtesy of Netflix Airways and gorged myself on the dramas of the Byrde family. Monday came, and I knew I wasn't even close to putting the cherry on the top of the article.

What's more, our house is just mental right now. Keeping the place tidy and three kids under seven constantly fed feels like a battle between time and energy. In the end, time and energy gang up on you and beat you into a blobby melange of fatigue. I knew I wouldn't get much written with the kids at home, and that's what happened they were at home from school.

Our family story during Covid seems to be replicated across the country. People relish their daily walk, the food shop becoming your new night out, and Zoom calls in the car without someone asking for a Liga is a splendid gift from gods. That's what the shower has become for me. It's a spa day inside a tight 15-minute window.

Monday lunchtime, my wife gave me a break, and I decided to wash. However, a few minutes into my shower, I noticed our 3-year-old had squeezed every drop of shower gel down the toilet. He also did the same for the hand wash; I couldn't even find a bar of soap. That too possibly gone the way of the wavin high road. I wrapped a towel around myself and headed out to the kitchen to ask my wife to get me something to wash with, but they were gone outside. I then spotted the washing up liquid on the sink. I thought, "It's all soap".

The first thing you notice about washing yourself with washing up liquid is that it's "not all soap". It literally sucks up all the moisture in your skin quickly. The other thing is when it gets into your eyes, it stings like hell. However, if you want to gleam all over and not have those pesky limescale streaks on your body after you dry yourself go for it. But one word of warning - your hair.

I squeezed a big old lump of it onto my noggin, and it took at least twenty minutes to get it thoroughly rinsed out. It stuck all my hair together, and the more I tried to wash it out, the harder it got. That's because I was later to find out that one of the main ingredients of washing up liquid is "Anionic surfactants."

According to safehouseholdcleaning.com, anoxic surfactants are "actually very smart chemicals that have two opposing ends. One end of the chemical is soluble in water and the other in fat. Hence, a surfactant can help mix oils and waters (which would normally sit on top of one another). When you have a liquid sitting on top of oil, there's a lot of surface tension. Surfactants, by mixing the two, can reduce this surface tension, helping to wash away oily and water-based stains."

Basically, suppose you have greasy hair like I do. In that case, the surfactants in the washing up liquid will strip them out and anything that even is a distant relative of an oil. The fun, however, came afterwards.

I haven't got a haircut in months, so my hair is like a ditch on a narrow rural road leading to a well-maintained nation route. Thick, wiry and angry, angry that's it been ignored for way too long. But when it dried, I looked like Sideshow Bob. My head and hair were full of tangible, actual static electricity. The kids were touching it like I was some attraction at a turn of the century circus. My wife took one look and burst out laughing. I was to later find out on www.sciencedirect.com that "Although very good in removing sebum and dirt, anionic surfactants are strong cleaners and may cause an increase in negative electrical charges on the hair surface and increase frizz and friction"

It was the second time in three days that she would laugh in my face as I had also tried a homemade haircut a few days previous. "Why won't you leave yourself alone ?" as tears flowed from her eyes, she followed it up with, "Why did you wash with washing up liquid that's terrible for your skin."

I would agree with her; however, the internet is full of people who swear by using washing up liquid as their go-to emollient of choice. I wouldn't. Unless, of course, you have highly greasy hair and want to get that "electric shock- Irish ditch" look.