Emer McLysaght: 'I was embarrassed to tell people I was going in for an eating disorder'
Emer McLysaght sought help for an eating disorder and was admitted to hospital in early 2020 for two months
Author Emer McLysaght has been praised for speaking about her experience of seeking treatment for an eating disorder and her time spent in St Patrick’s Hospital in Dublin earlier this year.
McLysaght, who is from Co. Kildare and co-authored the bestselling book series with Sarah Breen, spoke to Ryan Tubridy on RTÉ radio about her experience seeking treatment and being discharged into lockdown in March 2020.
“I had the unfortunate incident to be released from two months in a psychiatric hospital, literally as the pandemic kicked off,” she said.
“The timing, looking back, is almost comical. I spent two months in hospital from mid-January to mid-March 2020. The day before I was discharged was the day that Leo Varadkar did his big speech about the schools closing, and people having to stay away from each other. The number one thing you’re told when you're leaving somewhere like a psychiatric hospital is ‘don't isolate yourself, don't be on your own’.”
Listeners were impressed by McLysaght’s honesty when detailing her experience. Writing on Twitter, one person thanked her and described it as “an incredibly powerful interview” while another praised her “for talking about eating disorders and mental health so fantastically well, burying some myths and giving more understanding.”
After researching her symptoms and struggling through the cycles of her particular eating disorder, she sought help.
“In hindsight I have had some kind of disordered eating/eating disorder for probably 20 years, since probably my late teens,” she said.
“When I went, eventually, to look for help for the eating disorder, it had gotten too much. I was like: ‘I can't do this again, I can't go through the cycle’.
McLysaght approached a GP to discuss her options, something she had been hesitant to do in the past as some medical professionals dismissed her and told her to lose weight.
“I went to a new GP that someone had recommended. I said: ‘Before you say anything, I think this is what I have.’ She was really great, and she listened, and it went from there. She referred me to the local mental health service. I saw a psychiatrist there and they deduced that I was in enough distress that they needed to refer me to St Pat's, where they have a dedicated eating disorder team.”
She said she felt guilty about being in a hospital ward as she felt she was not ‘sick enough’ to be there.
“I was in disbelief, I didn't think I would end up in hospital. I thought hospital was for people who were starving themselves to death and I wasn't at that time. But part of the eating disorder and part of mental illness is thinking ‘I'm not sick enough for this, they've got it wrong’.
"Even when I was in hospital I was saying: ‘I don't deserve to be here, I'm taking up a bed someone else deserves.’ They told me: ‘You wouldn't be here if you weren't sick enough to be here.’”
Part of her struggle to accept her hospitalisation was her own body image.
“I was embarrassed because I assumed I was going to be the only bigger person on the wards. I was embarrassed to tell people I was going in for an eating disorder because I felt like they'd look at me, going: ‘You don't look like you have an eating disorder, that doesn't match up.”
During her time there, she found it difficult to witness her fellow patients suffering.
“Seeing how other people were suffering was really scary, everyone was on their own journey. Everyone had different ways that their disease manifested itself. I got really scared at times, because I was starting to really question my sanity.”
She said she feels for patients who were impacted by visiting restrictions during the pandemic. The only impact Covid-19 had on her time in the hospital was on the moment she left.
Pandemic creates 'perfect storm' for people with eating disorders.
— Harriet Parsons (@HarrietParsons) July 31, 2021
Thanks @noelbaker1 for covering our paper in the @irishexaminer @bodywhys @NCP_ED @HastingsJacinta @DrMClifford @SaraMcdevitt https://t.co/fcQuz0lZsl
“Because of the pandemic, nobody could come in and help you with your bags. It was really lonely leaving, I had to walk out on my own. Luckily, I was there just before the pandemic [and could have visitors]. For my friends who were staying on there, it was pretty horrific after the pandemic. Visitors were your lifeline.”
She describes her recovery as “a daily struggle” and praised her co-author Breen for her support over the past two years.
“The past 18 months in particular have been quite difficult for me, and she has been my number one support.”
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