Back-to-school mode activated: How to help your child adjust after a relaxed Christmas break

Switching from the relaxed-holiday mode can be jarring for children. But a positive attitude can make a huge difference

Christmas holidays give families a welcome break, but it’s wise to gently reintroduce the school-day routine a few days before going back. Picture: iStock

Christmas over, the presents done, the selection boxes demolished — and a week to go before children head back to school.

What can we do this week to set them up for a good start? We ask four experts for suggestions.

Tune into their concerns

Clinical psychologist and member of Psychological Society of Ireland Jillian Doyle is mum to a four, including a seven-year-old. She says primary school children might worry about “will my friends still be my friends when we go back?” or “we’re moving onto something hard in maths” or “does the teacher like me?”

Jillian Doyle: Sees pressing concerns among children approaching a transition or exam.

“Secondary school students might also have social worries, from ‘do I have the latest piece of technology’ [particularly post-Christmas] to ‘what’s changed among my peer group, or with me — will people notice? Will they see it as negative or positive?’”

And for children approaching a transition or exam, concerns can be pressing. National Parents Council deputy CEO Catherine Cross says the January return may particularly resonate with sixth class students, signalling the fast-approaching end of their primary school years.

“Some may be anxious about entrance exams. A lot will feel excited about moving on — next step up to feeling more mature. But even if excited, this is change. They’ll be leaving friends, their teacher. They could be really sad about that.”

Exam students may worry about “not being able for the pre-exams” or ask: “Will I be able to keep up?”

How to help?

Jumping in with “sure, you’ll be grand” may come across as dismissive, says Cross.

“You could say: ‘Sounds like you’re a bit worried about that — what do you think will be the hardest thing about it?” It’s about allowing them voice their fears, and you hearing and validating them.

While tempting, avoid saying “time to knuckle down now” to children facing exams, advises Cross. “Instead ask: ‘What was the trickiest part of last term? Is there anything we can do differently this term?’ Give them space to express worries. Encourage open conversation. Try to nail down what specifically they’re worried about.

“Ask: ‘Can we put some new habits in — getting study done as soon as you come in, finding you a better place to study?’

Cross says parents don’t have to come up with all the answers.

“Ask your child what would help, rather than trying to fix everything — because you can’t. Empower them to navigate the challenges they’re facing. Let them know you’re not going to judge or dive in with solutions that don’t suit.”

Psychotherapist Bethan O'Riordan: 'We lose teens in particular if we bang positivity at them.'

Psychotherapist Bethan O’Riordan, a mum of three, including two teens, agrees that parents often want to problem-solve or say “nice things”, for example: “I’m sure they’ll start to like you soon, you’re a great person.”

“We lose teens in particular if we bang positivity at them. What they want is for us to understand their perspective. If they’re telling you they’re worried, ask open-ended questions — ‘How often have you felt like that?’ Teens switch off when parents go into problem-solving mode.

“Better to say: ‘Oh, I’m sorry about that — that’s rubbish for you’. And let the dust settle. You might go back to it later or the next day — ‘What you were talking about, I wonder do you want me to help you with it, or talk to the school?’

“It’s not about agreeing or disagreeing with them, just letting them know we get it.”

Be available

Doyle urges parents to really be on their young person’s team. She suggests asking: ‘What can I do to help as we go through the next few months?’

“Reassure them you’re there to listen.”

Parents may feel teens don’t need them around much, yet this is a very vulnerable stage, says O’Riordan.

“Spending time with them is really important — parents are their anchor.

“Be there when the bedroom door opens, and they come down for a biscuit, and they’re prepared to watch telly with you — watch what they want. Life is busy, but if we’re not available on their terms for these really precious and precarious years, we’re not really available.”

Being around doesn’t mean round-the-clock heart-to-hearts, O’Riordan says.

“Being around means you’re more available. You might just be pottering around the house. Being around nurtures that feeling of belonging — and to belong at school, you must first belong at home.”

Encourage rest

Teens especially need to rest, even if it runs counter to everything they seem to want, says O’Riordan.

“They’re drawn to be with friends, with the gang. They’ve a huge fear of missing out. They’re more frazzled than ever before — phones have them so switched into things.”

O’Riordan recommends encouraging them to enter a period of rest for the remainder of these holidays.

“It’s going against the grain of what they want to do. But you need to advocate for your child — ‘No, you need to stop’. Encourage them to be on the phone less, to put it away by 7pm, to allow themselves wind down.

“Get them to be with friends who are good for them, friends they can hang out with, be at peace with. Some friendships are more complicated.”

Teens may not recognise the signs of stress in themselves.

“Do they find it hard to go to sleep? Has their eating gone funny? Are they angry? They mightn’t have the words to name things but pressures build up,” says O’Riordan.

And contrary to what we might think, teens need us to lead them and to set boundaries so they can feel safe and also thrive.

“Some things they need to learn themselves, but they also need you to say: ‘You’re not going out socialising until you’ve done half your study.’”

How’s their nutrition?

Shorter days, colder weather, increased exposure to seasonal viruses — particular nutrients matter even more now, says Aveen Bannon, registered dietitian with Dublin Nutrition Centre. She highlights vitamin D as supporting immunity, bone development, and muscle function.

“Winter means low sunlight, making both dietary vitamin D and vitamin D supplements essential. One- to four-year-olds should take 5µg supplement daily, five to 12-year-olds should take 10µg, and those 13 and over 15µg.”

Dietitian Aveen Bannon: 'Reset after Christmas and ensure they have a balanced, nutritious diet.'

Vitamins C, D, and A, along with zinc and omega-3s, are all immune-supporting.

“Reset after Christmas. Ensure balanced intake of fruits, vegetables, meats, beans, nuts, seeds, dairy products, and fish. 

“A nutrient-rich breakfast improves attention and learning performance,” says Bannon.

Doyle describes how she manages the return-to-routine breakfasts.

“During term time, we have porridge in the morning. But at holiday-time, the kids can have a cereal they [especially] like. So this week I’ll be saying: ‘What day will we start going back to having porridge?’

“[How about] Thursday?’”

And if school lunches were coming home uneaten last term, Bannon advises chatting about why.

“Does the food taste ‘different’ in school? Are the foods too hard to eat, or take too much time? Are there nutritious options they might like instead?’”

They may be consuming less water since winter started.

“Water and milk are the best drinks — choose a refillable bottle for school.”

Embrace routine

Suddenly switching from relaxed-holiday-mode to looming return-to-school can be jarring, says Cross.

“Ease back into school day-type routines for a few days before going back — earlier bedtimes and wake-up times. Structure and reliability can help them feel more secure and prepared.”

Speak positively about ‘going back’

Being positive and looking forward to going into the new year can make a huge difference, says Cross, who recommends parents watch what they’re modelling around resuming work post-holiday.

“If we’re saying, ‘Oh no, we have to go back to work’, this [impacts] children, without us even realising.

“Be really optimistic and highlight the positives for your child — seeing friends again, engaging with favourite subjects, getting back to enjoyable activities. Frame it as a fresh start, rather than a return to more pressure.”

Cross also suggests planning an outing for the weekend after their first week back to school — perhaps a walk in the woods or a movie night at home.

“Empathy, structure and a nice dash of positivity can help your child start the second term feeling supported and confident,” says Cross.